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Thread: JOKE BREAK

  1. #1
    Welcome to flavour country
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    I got a kick out of this. Maybe you will too.

    If you have any others post em up.

    There Was A Bear And A Rabbit . . .
    Now Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit didn't like each other very much and one day, whilst they were walking through the woods they came across a golden frog.

    The frog turned to them and said: "Ooh, I don't often meet
    anyone in these parts."
    They were amazed that the frog had talked to them.
    The golden frog admitted: "Mind you, when I do meet someone
    I always give them six wishes. You can have three wishes each in this case.

    Mr. Bear immediately wished that all the other bears in the
    forest were females. The frog granted his wish.

    Mr. Rabbit, after thinking for a while, wished for a crash
    helmet. One appeared immediately, and he placed it on his head.

    Mr. Bear was amazed at Mr. Rabbit's wish, but carried on
    with his second wish. He wished that all the bears in the
    neighboring forests were females as well, and the frog
    granted his wish.

    Mr. Rabbit then wished for a motorcycle. It appeared before
    him, and he climbed on board and started revving the engine.

    Mr. Bear could not believe it and complained that Mr. Rabbit had wasted two wishes that he could have had for himself. Shaking his head, Mr. Bear made his final wish, that all the other bears in the world were females as well, leaving him as the only male bear in the world.
    The frog replied that it had been done, and they both turned to Mr. Rabbit for his last wish.

    Mr. Rabbit revved the engine, thought for a second, then
    said: "I wish that Mr. Bear was gay!" and rode off as fast
    as he could!



  2. #2
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    HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA ROFLMAO THATS A GOOD JOKE TO TELL THE FRIENDS! LoL!

  3. #3
    FK Times - Head Publisher
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    If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
    And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
    And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
    Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report!

    If your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss,
    So your icons in the window become as wavy as a souse,
    Then you may as well reboot and go out with a very big bang,
    'Cause as sure as I'm a poet, it will show it...
    and the sucker's gonna hang!

    If the label on the cable on the table at your house,
    Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
    But your packets want to tunnel on another protocol,
    That's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall.

    If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
    And the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash,
    And if your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash,
    Then your situation's hopeless, and your system's gonna crash



  4. #4

    In a cavern, in a canyon,
    Excavating for a mine,
    Dwelt a miner, forty-niner
    And his daughter Clementine.
    Oh my darling, Clementine

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    hahahahhahaha!!! Thanks, Wiz - I *love* that joke - it always makes me laugh

    And here's one back at ya:
    (It's kind of old, but still one of my favorites)

    Two Texas rednecks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down teh road drinking a couple of bottles of Bud. The passenger, Bubba, said, "Lookey that up ahead, Earl, it's a Highway Patrol roadblock! We're gonna git busted fer drinkin' these here beers!"

    "Don't worry, Bubba," Earl said. "We'll just pull over and finish drinkin' these beers, throw the bottles under the seat and peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads."

    "What fer?" asked Bubba

    "Just let me do the talkin' okay?" said Earl. Well, they finished their beers, threw teh empty bottles under the seat and each put a label on their forehead.

    When they reached teh roadblock the trooper said, "You boys been drinkin'?"

    "No sir," said Earl "We're on the patch."

  5. #5
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    LanSite never heard it but ROFLMAO it was good LoL... Maybe cuz im from Canada!

  6. #6
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    A cop is staking out a bar for drunk drivers. . .

    At closing time, he sees a guy stumble out of the
    bar, trip on the curb, and fumble for his keys for
    five minutes.

    When he finally gets in, it takes him another five
    minutes toget the key in the ignition.

    Meanwhile, everybody else leaves the bar and
    drives off. When he finally pulls away, the cop is
    waiting for him, pulls him over, and gives him a
    Breathalyzer test.

    The test shows he has a blood alcohol level of 0.0.

    The cop asks, "C'mon... What's up with this??"

    The guy says, "Tonight I was the designated decoy."


  7. #7
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    This would be a great way to respond to someone who doesn't give you a job after an interveiw.
    -Seth


    Thank you for your letter of July 17. After careful
    consideration I
    regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your
    refusal to offer
    me employment with your firm. This year I have been
    particularly
    fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of
    rejection letters.
    With such a varied and promising field of corporate
    candidates
    it is impossible for me to accept all refusals for
    employment.

    Despite your company's outstanding qualifications and
    previous
    experience in rejecting applicants, I find that your
    rejection does
    not meet with my needs at this time. Therefore, I will
    initiate
    employment with your firm immediately following graduation.
    I look forward to seeing you then.
    Best of luck in rejecting future candidates.

    Sincerely,

  8. #8
    Ugly with a capitol F Ekostudios's Avatar
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    These are all great!

    I love the first one! That's gunna b carried on!

    Swishy, That's a good one, but I've heard it way too many times!

  9. #9
    FK Times - Head Publisher
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    Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson went on a camping trip.
    After a couple bottles of wine they lay down in their tent for the night, and went to sleep.

    Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend awake.

    "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

    Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars."

    "What does that tell you?" Holmes questioned.

    Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"

    Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke, "Watson, you bonehead! Someone has stolen our tent."

  10. #10
    Welcome to flavour country
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    SwishY, that's hilarious!

    They're all good. I'll see if I have anymore more for you.

  11. #11
    Pessimistic ebullience evan224's Avatar
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    Angry

    ha ha, stole the tent.
    hmmmmhmmmmhmmmm...

    E.

  12. #12
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    An 80 year old man went for his annual check-up and the Doctor said "Friend, for your age, you're in the best shape I've seen."

    The old fella replied, "Yep. It comes from clean living, and I know I live a good, clean, spiritual life."

    The Doctor asked, "What makes you say that?"

    The old man replied, "If I didn't live a good, clean life, the Lord wouldn't turn the bathroom lights on for me every time I get up in the middle of the night."

    The Doctor was concerned, "You mean, when you get up in the night to go to the bathroom, the Lord himself turns the light on for you?"

    "Yep," the old man said, "whenever I get up to go to the bathroom, the Lord turns the light on for me."

    Well, the Doctor didn't say anything else, but when the old man's wife came in for her check-up, he felt he had to let her know what her husband said.

    "Your husband's in fine physical shape, but I'm worried about his mental condition. He told me that every night when he gets up to go to the bathroom, the Lord turns the light on for him."

    "He said what?" She asked.

    "He said that every night when he gets up to go to the bathroom, the Lord turns the light on for him."

    "AHA!!" She exclaimed.......... "So he's the one who's been peeing in the fridge!"

  13. #13
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    Lightbulb

    The Pope flew into an airport for a meeting within a few minutes. His limo driver takes off and the Pope needs him to go faster in order to get to his meeting. The Pope asks the driver to switch places and the Pope will drive. They take off again and the limo is stopped by a cop.

    The cop takes one look at the situation and radios to headquarters.
    He tells the chief he's got a pretty important person on his hands.

    The chief asks "Is he more important than the mayor?" Cop says yes.

    Chief asks " Is he more important than the governor?" Cop says yes.

    Chief asks "Is he more important than the President?" Cop says yes.

    Chief asks "How important can he be"

    Cop says "I don't know, but he's got the Pope for a driver.

  14. #14

    In a cavern, in a canyon,
    Excavating for a mine,
    Dwelt a miner, forty-niner
    And his daughter Clementine.
    Oh my darling, Clementine

    Join Date
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    Posts
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    hahahhaha - I've seen that joke a hundred times and it still makes me laugh!! Thanks

    Here's one for you:

    Please note: The following joke must be read with a heavy southern accent.

    A guy was driving down the freeway in Kentucky - Highway Patrol pulls him over, walks up to the car, leans down into the window and asks the driver, "Got any ID?"

    Driver says, "'Bout what?"

  15. #15
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    Two irishmen walked into a bar....you'd have thought the second one would've noticed


    aaaaaah I crack myself up

  16. #16
    FK Times - Head Publisher
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    What happens when you play a country song backards?

    • You get your dog back,
    • your truck back,
    • and your girlfriend back !!!



    Two guys are hunting in the forest and they run across a very big bear. They both take off running and the bear chases them.

    After a while one guy stops and takes off his backpack and takes out a pair of running shoes. The other guy sees this and is wondering what is going on, so he stops too, runs back to the first guy and asks

    "Why are you putting on your running shoes, do you really think you are going to be able to out run that bear with those?"

    The other guy says "I don't have to out run the bear... I just have to out run YOU!"

  17. #17
    Senior Member Mad-Sci's Avatar
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    I guy cought a golden frog while fishin. The frog says:
    "Look man Im not the golden fish and I cant grant you 3 wishes if you let me go but I can do one wish. So tell me what you want Ill make it happan and you let me go OK ?"
    the guys starts thinking:

    "Ok let me do something for the humanity" and he says to the frog. "OK deal if you stop the war in Bosnia". The frog was confused and says :"Man this is not posible even for me why dont wish someting personal, money, car..etc.etc.." The guy says:

    "ok make my wife more beatifull and Ill let you go". The frog was very happy and says: "Deal I will need a picture of your wife". The men pulls a picture and the frog takes a look and says:" You know man, do you have map of Bosnia ?"


  18. #18
    FK Times - Head Publisher
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    A Flash programmer was walking along the side of a lake when he came across a funny looking frog. The guy picked up the frog, put it into his pocket, and simply went on his way.

    A couple of minutes of walking later and the man heard a cry from inside of his pocket, "help, help"! He took out the frog, looked at it, smiled, and put it back into his pocket.


    Again, "help, help me, a wicked witch has turned me into a frog, kiss me and I'll turn into a very beautiful princess". Again the man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and put it back again.

    Moments later, "Help me, help me, a wicked witch has turned me into a frog, kiss me and I'll turn into a sexy beautiful princess. I'll do... anything... if... you... help... me, ANYTHING"!

    The man simply took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and put it back again!

    The little green frog again screamed out "Hey I really am the most sexy and beautiful princess imaginable, if you kiss me and help me I will do anything, marry you, sleep with you, give you money, ANYTHING!!!"

    The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled and said "I'm a Flash programmer; I work too much so a girlfriend or wife is of no use to me. But, a small talking frog like you would be pretty cool to have."

  19. #19
    Welcome to flavour country
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    Top 13 things never heard at Daytona 500

    13: "None for me, thanks. That Skoal will do a number on your teeth."

    12: "Tampax! Get your Tampax here!"

    11: "Hey, shut up! I can't hear the race!"

    10: "Sex with your sister!? Man, that's sick."

    9: "My GOD, this is a splendid Merlot!"

    8: "Hey, you with the large breasts — out of the way! We're trying to watch a race here!"

    7: "Chesterton, be a good lad and retrieve the Wall Street Journal from my attaché case. Then fetch me some clotted cream for my scone."

    6: "What a coincidence, Hank — all my friends are boycotting Hooters, too!"

    5: "These are even better seats than we had for the Lionel Richie concert!"

    4: "Good morning, Mr. Trickle. We at 'Depends' understand you're looking for a new corporate sponsor..."

    3: "Whew! No more beer for me, fellas..."

    2: "Filling in for Dale 'The Intimidator' Earnhardt today is substitute driver, Michael 'Lord of the Dance' Flatley."

    1: "...and now, singing our national anthem — international recording artist Boy George!"

  20. #20
    Flex Dev
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    Smile okay these are some pretty bad jokes...

    i just thought i'd throw one out there too:

    a short piece of rope hops into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer.

    the bartender said, "you're a rope. we don't serve your kind here so leave!"

    the poor little rope was saddend as he slithered out of the bar. he hated being discriminated against just because he was a rope. it made him so mad he started comming unravled at both ends. he twisted his head around his waist and back through the loop and after thouroughly messing up his hair hopped back into the bar and asked for a drink.

    the bartender said, "Hey, aren't you that rope I just threw outta here?"

    which he replied, "No, I'm a frayed knot."


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