The pearly gates......

[kitchee]

Three guys died and when they got to the pearly gates, St. Peter met them there. St. Peter said, "I know that you guys are forgiven because you're here. Before I let you into Heaven, I have to ask you something. You have to have a car in Heaven because Heaven is so big, what kind of car you get will depend on your answer." The first guy walks up and Peter asks the first guy, "How long were you married?" The first guy says, "24 years." "Did you ever cheat on your wife?", Peter asked. The guy said, "Yeah, 7 times...but you said I was forgiven." Peter said, "yeah, but that's not too good. Here's a Pinto to drive." The second guy walks up and gets the same question from Peter. The second guy said, "I was married for 41 years and cheated on her once, but that was our first year and we really worked it out good." Peter said, "I'm pleased to hear that, here's a Lincoln." The 3rd guy walked up and said, "Peter, I know what you're going to ask. I was married for 63 years and didn't even look at another woman! I treated my wife like a queen!" Peter said, "That's what I like to hear. Here's a Jaguar!" A few days later, the 2 guys with the Lincoln and the Pinto saw the guy with the Jaguar crying on the golden sidewalk. When they asked the guy with the Jaguar what was wrong, he said, "I just saw my wife, she was on a skateboard!"

[killabry]

LMAO.

That was excellent.

[pkw]

Another man stands before the gates with three pieces of luggage. St. Peter tells him that no earthly possessions are allowed in heaven and he can't bring anything with him. An argument ensues between the man and St. Peter. Finally St. Peter decides to consult with higher management and calls in an archangel. After some discussion it is agreed that the man can bring one piece of the luggage with him. After some time, the man finally chooses one suitcase. However before entering the archangel insists on seeing what is in the bag. The man opens it to reveal a couple of gold bars. After the man enters through the gate, St. Peter turns to the archangel and says "Why do you suppose he wants to bring street pavement into Heaven?"

pkw

[mabbacuda]

Getting worse by the minute. I know another couple of jokes along these lines, but they are probably not suitable for here with all the youngsters about. Don't want to polute their sweet innocent minds

[atticweb]

Guy recently passed over and was at the gates of heaven.
He was given all his equiptment including a harp. St.Peter told him he then had some time to go back and say a final goodbye to friends on earth...but he had to be back in heaven for midnight.
Back on earch he sees some friends who tell him there are going to a new disco called Sam Planks. off they go and have a good time.
just before midnight the guy realises he has to go and runs off up the golden stairs. He is met at the top by St Peter who tells him he was cutting it fine but to go in. St Peter stops him and says where is your harp. the guy says you are not going to believe this and begins to sing " I left my harp in Sam Planks disco"

Think about it - hope it works

Jim

[mabbacuda]

Lame, very lame...