conversations, from Microsoft

[laxmi19885]

Here are some conversations, from Microsoft, which had actually taken
place between help desk people and their customers:

Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print a
document, but the computer won't boot properly."

Tech Support: "What does it say?"

Customer: "Something about an error and non-system disk."

Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"

Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside."


---------------------------------


Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open 24
hours."

Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"

---------------------------------

Tech Support: "Ok, now click your left mouse button."

Customer: (silence) "But I only have one mouse."

---------------------------------

Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."

Customer: "Ok."

Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"

Customer: "No."

Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"

Customer: "No."

Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"

Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote'click'."


---------------------------------

Customer: "I received the software update you sent, but I am still
getting the same error message."

Tech Support: "Did you install the update?"

Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"

---------------------------------

Customer: "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word."

Tech Support: "Tell me what you've done."

Customer: "I typed 'A:SETUP'."

Tech Support: "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says."

Customer: "It says '[PCmanufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'."

Tech Support: "Insert the MS Word setup disk."

Customer: "What?"

Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"

Customer "No..."


---------------------------------


Customer: "Do I need a computer to use your software?"
Tech Support: ?@oe$


---------------------------------


Tech Support: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you
see the 'OK' button displayed?"

Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"


---------------------------------


Tech Support: "What type of computer do you have?"

Customer: "A white one."


---------------------------------

Tech Support: "Type 'A:' at the prompt."
Customer: "How do you spell that?"

---------------------------------

Tech Support: "Is your computer on a separate telephone line?"

Customer: "No." (clicks the button to log on to our service)

Tech Support: "Well then we can't-"

Customer: "It says 'no dial tone'."

Tech Support: "That's because you're on the line with me right now. You need to-"

Customer: "No, that's not it. It does this all the time. I,just have to try a few times, and it will let me through."

Tech Support: "No, ma'am. It's not even trying to dial right now because you're on the phone with me."

Customer: "It must be busy. I'll try again later."


---------------------------------


Tech Support: "What's on your screen right now?"

Customer: "A stuffed animal that my boyfriend got me at the grocery, store."


---------------------------------


Tech Support: "What operating system are you running?"

Customer: "Pentium."


---------------------------------


Customer: "My computer's telling me I performed an illegal abortion."


---------------------------------


Customer: "I have Microsoft Exploder."


---------------------------------


Customer: "How do I print my voicemail?"


---------------------------------


Tech Support: "What does the screen say now?"

Customer: "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."

Tech Support: "Well?"

Customer: "How do I know when it's ready?"


---------------------------------


Customer: "I have a long distance modem."


---------------------------------


Customer: "I don't have a space bar


---------------------------------

[pooon]

... there's intel inside.

[I_am_TheFlasher]

Idon'thaveaspacebar.

[asheep_uk]

Some of those are understandble, like how to spell A:, because when you hear that down the phone, and you've never heard a colon before, then you can understand - but some of them are pure stupidity.

It's not Windows, it's the users.

[Subway]

Originally posted by laxmi19885
Tech Support: "What does the screen say now?"

Customer: "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."

Tech Support: "Well?"

Customer: "How do I know when it's ready?"

Haha, genius!

Fredi

[connect2nikhil]

Techie Wishes

Five minutes ago you were travelling to office at 80 mph. in your brand new car. Now you are travelling to hospital at double the speed in an ambulance: You wish there was `undo' in life!

You are already late, and your key is missing :You wish there was `find tool' in life!

You are a bankrupt, after investing in some weird business :You wish there was `rebuild all' in life!

The train is so crowded that you cannot get anywhere near that nice girl at the other end :You wish there was `zoom & view full screen' in life!

After marriage you realize that there is bound to be a mismatch :You wish there was an `evaluation period' or at least a `sample down load' or a `demo version'!

One day you realize that you are turning bald :You wish there was `cut and paste' in life!

[Subway]

Thursday,_ September 4 12:01 AM EDT

Microsoft Releases Microsoft Time XP
By Nikolaj Borg

Redmond, Washington - After years of top secret development, Microsoft has announced the launch of MS Time XP, which the company hopes, will become the dominant measurement of time. Several reporters were invited to an hour's interview with Thomas Wyman, president of Microsoft's department of Space and Time.

"It was really just a matter of time - pun intended - before someone entered the market," Mr. Wyman said. "Old Time's monopoly has stood for over 4000 years, and its age is really starting to show."

In the past few years, Swatch Internet Time and Metric Time have been suggested as alternatives to "Old" or "Babylonian" Time. Thomas Wyman blames their failure on two factors: "First, they've failed to add anything that distinguished their products from Old Time - they just repackaged the old product in a shiny new package. At Microsoft we've always known that the only way to beat the competition is through innovation and technological excellence. Second, you need lots of brawn to pull a stunt like this. The last major challenge to the concept of time was by the French during the revolution. They had a million man army and the guillotine, and still they failed miserable. Luckily, we're much better prepared than that."

While traditional Time is absolute and related to the movements of the Sun and the Earth, Microsoft Time XP is perfectly relative. Most readers may already be familiar with this concept of time, as earlier versions of the product have been used in the Windows installers since Windows 95.

Wyman admits that absolute time has been beneficial for earlier societies but believes it is time for a change. "Sure, Old Time was handy for the farmer or the factory worker, but now, absolute time has become nothing but a hindrance. With Microsoft Time XP, we're taking Time away from the Sun and giving it to the people. This is the solution that ends all deadlines once and for all. There are no limits to the things we can do now. We ensured that Windows would install in an hour. Heck, even Longhorn will ship on time now."

Microsoft's product has attracted attention, not only in financial circles, but also in Washington DC. One of the most persistent rumors is that the White House use Microsoft time to ensure peace in Iraq before the next presidential election. Thomas Wyman did not confirm nor deny such rumors, but smiled and said, "At the right price, a year can be a really long time."

As reporters inquired about the stability and security of the Microsoft Time XP Server, his smile disappeared for a second. Then he lit up and replied, "I'd really like to discuss that, but your hour appears to be up. God, I love this product."



One hour of XP time and this thread will be closed.

Fredi

[johnie]

Customer: "I have Microsoft Exploder."

There really is a Microshat Exploder. The Parrody "Microshaft Winblows 98" CD includes that game.

[sk8Krog]

www.rinkworks.com/stupid

[Visionray]

Originally posted by laxmi19885


Customer: "My computer's telling me I performed an illegal abortion."

That one had me cracking up.