Whats the funniest joke you've heard recently??

**breadlegs** · 10-01-2003, 11:30 AM

?

**Karl|Oldman** · 10-01-2003, 11:43 AM

Its not bad..

A man recently wanted to get baptised, so the vicar says "come forth and I will baptise you".... he came 5th and won a toaster.

**breadlegs** · 10-01-2003, 11:45 AM

Did you hear about the female, cross-eyed, harpoonist from Aberystwyth?

She won the Miss Whales contest

**gSOLO_01** · 10-01-2003, 11:46 AM

Originally posted by Karl|Oldman
A man recently wanted to get baptised, so the vicar says "come forth and I will baptise you".... he came 5th and won a toaster.

Well... thats the funniest I've hearsd recently...

***gerbick*** · 10-01-2003, 11:52 AM

probably an oldie, but sent to me today from a good friend:

This is for those of us getting along in years, and its a little exercise for building your arm and shoulder muscles.
Its been working well for me, and you might want to try it yourself. Three days per week is about right.

Begin by standing straight, with a 5 lb potato sack in each hand.

Now, while keeping your back straight, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can - try to reach a full minute, then relax.

After a few weeks, move up to 10 lb potato sacks, then 50 lb sacks,
and, eventually, try to get to where you can lift a 100 lb potato sack in each hand and hold your arms straight out for more than a full minute.

After you feel confident at that level, start putting a couple of potatoes in each of the sacks, but be careful not to overdo it.

**jamble** · 10-01-2003, 12:00 PM

James Bond walks into a bar and takes a seat next to
a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually
looks at his watch for a moment. The women notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"
"No," he replies, "Q has just given me this state-of-the-art watch. I was just testing it."
The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?"
Bond explains, "It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically."
The lady says, "What's it telling you now?"
"Well, it says you're not wearing any panties...."
The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken because I am
wearing panties!"
Bond smirks, taps his watch and says, "Bloody thing's an hour fast."

**asun2art** · 10-01-2003, 03:59 PM

This guy walks into a bar, pulls out a tiny piano and stool, and a tiny little man. The tiny man sits down, and starts to play the piano. This other guy notices it.

“Hey, what's that?”

“A twelve-inch pianist. Ya see, I found this magic lamp, rubbed it, made a wish, I got a twelve inch pianist.”

“Can I try?” The man with the piano agrees and a minute later, a million ducks fill the room.

“Ducks? I didn't wish for a million ducks, I wished for a million bucks!”

“Ya think I really wished for a twelve inch pianist?”

**Mad-Sci** · 10-01-2003, 04:07 PM

Sun Tzu said:
"yankee is the same like quickie but you can do it alone"

**The Cheat** · 10-01-2003, 05:34 PM

What do you do when the dishwasher stops working?
Slap her

**PAlexC** · 10-01-2003, 05:42 PM

Originally posted by jamble7000
James Bond walks into a bar and takes a seat next to
a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually
looks at his watch for a moment. The women notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"
"No," he replies, "Q has just given me this state-of-the-art watch. I was just testing it."
The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?"
Bond explains, "It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically."
The lady says, "What's it telling you now?"
"Well, it says you're not wearing any panties...."
The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken because I am
wearing panties!"
Bond smirks, taps his watch and says, "Bloody thing's an hour fast."

Lol.

**yasunobu13** · 10-01-2003, 10:42 PM

Originally posted by The Cheat
What do you do when the dishwasher stops working?
Slap her

boooooooo

**fospher.com** · 10-02-2003, 12:42 AM

This made me laugh for hours!

**Aria** · 10-02-2003, 11:33 AM

[]The world according to Brooklyn Tony

A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on Brooklyn Tony.

He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."

The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."

Then Brooklyn Tony says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone." To which Brooklyn Tony replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on,' but I like your thinking."

-----------

[] Brooklyn Tony ON GRAMMAR

One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice.

First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it." "Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher.

She then called on little Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully." She said, "Excellent, Michael!"

Then the teacher reluctantly called on Brooklyn Tony. "Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just ****ing beautiful!'"

a

**RedMirrorBall** · 10-02-2003, 01:38 PM

One night a little blind girl is getting ready for bed. She's to her mom "I don't want to be blind anymore."

The mom says "Well tommorow is a very special day, if you pray really hard, when you wake up you will be able to see"

So the little blind girl prays really really hard before falling to sleep. When she wakes up she is so excited she puts her hands over her eyes and runs into her moms room and takes here hands off of her eyes.

Little Girl: "Mom, I can't see"
Mom: "Ya, I know april fools!"

Hardy har har
-RMB

**Axe324** · 10-02-2003, 02:40 PM

Originally posted by Karl|Oldman
Its not bad..

A man recently wanted to get baptised, so the vicar says "come forth and I will baptise you".... he came 5th and won a toaster.

hmm i heard the same one...cept that it goes like this

Jesus said to John, "come forth ill give you eternal life". John came fifth.... he won a toaster

**RedMirrorBall** · 10-02-2003, 06:49 PM

knock knock.
Who's there?
I Ph*cked your mom.

-RMB

**dabrewski** · 10-02-2003, 07:35 PM

Originally posted by RedMirrorBall
knock knock.
Who's there?
I Ph*cked your mom.

-RMB

worst joke evar!

**fospher.com** · 10-02-2003, 07:38 PM

Originally posted by dabrewski
worst joke evar!

err yeah, that was pretty awful.

**RedMirrorBall** · 10-02-2003, 11:51 PM

What?

It's simple, to the piont, and it has "suprise" humor.

hehehehe

-RMB

**fospher.com** · 10-02-2003, 11:55 PM

Just because it's simple or to the point doesnt make me giggle. And if I dont giggle - then its not funny.

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