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Thread: muffled farts: a bathroom thread

  1. #1
    Total Universe Mod jAQUAN's Avatar
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    muffled farts: a bathroom thread

    I'm sweating, don't feel like working and couldn't concentrate if I did... so I'm starting a long overdue bathroom thread. deal.

    Ok, what is it with corporate bathrooms being so conducive to echoes?
    I was just in one of our sales girls offices stealing some cold air and heard two loud *ss farts from the bathroom across the hall.
    I gave her a "you gotta hear this all day?" look and she just looked at me helplessly and shrugged.

    So two questions,
    1. why would anyone design a bathroom with good acoustics at all?
    2. what can one do to not have to walk out red faced after letting one rip?


    yeah, it's that kind of day

  2. #2
    supervillain gerbick's Avatar
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    dude... you're pooting into basically a porcelain tuba... so to muffle that, you'd need acoustic baffles on the inside of the porcelain god and perhaps multiple angles to diffuse the sound. And smell.

    hell... now that's an idea, actually... a stealth toilet. paint it black, use that black toilet tissue... and get the Pope to support it - if it can muffle the holiest of holy rear release trumpets... you'd be a billionaire faster than you could say "two-ply".

    ok... so with that said... I got a recent story too.

    Was in the local mall and went into the bathroom due to a huge slurpee playing havoc on my bladder and upon walking in I was greeted with the loudest noise on this side of a airplane taking off. Then it came around again. I walked the heck out.

    Whatever had crawled up and co-habitated within this person... I didn't want to bear witness any longer.

    So I went to the nearest department store... and instead of it being like a mens/womens... it was like just one universal bathroom. And on the other side... there was a low grumbling... sorta like what a dragon after Taco Bell would sound like.

    And out walks this woman. Sorta hot looking woman... but if she could pull that out; I'm a bit scared. And she could not look me into my eyes.

    roar.

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  3. #3
    He has risen! lefteyewilly's Avatar
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    in the 4 years i've worked in my office i have yet to drop a deuce there. 8 women, 1 dude...we have separate bathrooms, but if the ladies room is taken the guys room is free game...ain't no way am i going to get looks from the women as the smelly kid in class.

    I'm all for a stealth toilet. it'd save a lot of embarrassment all the way around

  4. #4
    Total Universe Mod jAQUAN's Avatar
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    hahahhaha! at both of you but G's post is classic.

    stealth the bathroom too. Ours has tile running up the wall about 4 feet all the way around! It's built like a cathedral. It's pretty common to release the hound you've been packing whilst at the stand up. No vision in design anymore I tell ya. What ever happened to function over form?
    Quote Originally Posted by gerbick
    you'd be a billionaire faster than you could say "two-ply".
    If it was designed as an add-on to existing fittings... moo-lah!

  5. #5
    FK'n Elitist Super Mod EVPohovich's Avatar
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    why not just install anti-noise or a noise cancellation unit of some sort?

    the epitome of SBD...



    "What is that smell?"

    Wasn't me, must've been you..."

  6. #6
    Total Universe Mod jAQUAN's Avatar
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    Heh, that just reminded me of a funny short on The Lot last night. It was like a PSA about recreating the sound on the nearest thing that could make such a sound.
    "No no, that wasn't a fart, I was just dragging this baseball card along a fence."

  7. #7
    Flash Kit Moderator Genesis F5's Avatar
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    Ladies and gentlemen, in collaboration with the members in this thread, I present to you, the future of waste removal:



    Or, you could invent a device that expands your colon so it silently falls out.

  8. #8
    supervillain gerbick's Avatar
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    puwhahahahaha

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  9. #9
    Official Vermont Photo Mod WannaBe_80z's Avatar
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    o.m.g.
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  10. #10
    Total Universe Mod jAQUAN's Avatar
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    FK yeah Gen!

  11. #11
    An Inconvenient Serving Size hurricaneone's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lefteyewilly
    in the 4 years i've worked in my office i have yet to drop a deuce there.
    What is wrong with you?

    How do you do that?

    Have you never shown up for work after a night out and had to clear the decks?

    Virtually every day I go to the can here, simply because I can't get stirred up early in the morning (before I'm out the door) and dropping one in the evening is just plain weird - barring the occasional internal distress.
    Stand by for emergency synapse rerouting

  12. #12
    AKA [ Paul Bainbridge] webdreamer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Genesis F5
    Ladies and gentlemen, in collaboration with the members in this thread, I present to you, the future of waste removal:



    Or, you could invent a device that expands your colon so it silently falls out.
    Some peeps have just to much time on there hands
    Hong long did that take to draw up?
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  13. #13
    An Inconvenient Serving Size hurricaneone's Avatar
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    That baffling would be a b!tch to keep clean.

    If you are the type to bother with cleaning, that is.
    Stand by for emergency synapse rerouting

  14. #14
    No I can't do it by tommorow.. 1stbite's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Genesis F5
    Or, you could invent a device that expands your colon so it silently falls out.
    thats just wrong... sooooo wrong.... so wrong i think I'm permanently scared by the thought...


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  15. #15
    He has risen! lefteyewilly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hurricaneone
    What is wrong with you?

    How do you do that?

    Have you never shown up for work after a night out and had to clear the decks?

    Virtually every day I go to the can here, simply because I can't get stirred up early in the morning (before I'm out the door) and dropping one in the evening is just plain weird - barring the occasional internal distress.
    it can be difficult sometimes, but mainly it's because i'm usually an early morning or late night go'er. so i'm cleared by work time. If there is an issue (usually a fast food lunch or gut-rot coffee), i've got my parent's house one block away...but it's not that often that i use it.

  16. #16
    supervillain gerbick's Avatar
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    I agree with lefteye. I totally avoid using public restrooms to pitch a loaf at all costs. Hell, I already turn into a kung-fu master just to tinkle... kick the door open, kick the door closed, kick the handle, kick the knobs on the sink to turn them on... kick the soap dispenser... kick the kids in my way... sorta like Walker, Texas Ranger on fast forward with a bit of yellow sprinkled in for good measure.

    I hate public restrooms.

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  17. #17
    Hey Timmy!!! walsher's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by gerbick
    I agree with lefteye. I totally avoid using public restrooms to pitch a loaf at all costs. Hell, I already turn into a kung-fu master just to tinkle... kick the door open, kick the door closed, kick the handle, kick the knobs on the sink to turn them on... kick the soap dispenser... kick the kids in my way... sorta like Walker, Texas Ranger on fast forward with a bit of yellow sprinkled in for good measure.

    I hate public restrooms.
    Sounds pretty impressive. I try not to use public restrooms. But if I gotta go, I gotta go. I could careless what the females think, let it all out.

  18. #18
    Chaos silverx2's Avatar
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    i enjoy public restrooms, theres always something nifty to read on the walls.

    always use protection.
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  19. #19
    PAZ nordberg's Avatar
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    just because i'm out of town doesn't mean you can just start a bathroom thread without me. geeesh, the nerve...


    Ah, these boys is all swelled up. So this was earlier...getting set to trade. Then, woooaaah differences.
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  20. #20
    doItLikeThis
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    Curious,Anyone else grit there teeth and show the finger in the air when someone's knocking at your door at public loos :P
    -Aditya

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