Laugh as form of stress relieve..

Mad-Sci · 09-14-2001, 07:17 PM

At a party..

Bond.James Bond.
Damm. Van Damm. Claude Van Damm. Jean Claude Van Damme..

be well..

mad_sci

LanSite · 09-14-2001, 10:40 PM

Two fonts walk into a bar ...

The Bartender looks up and says, "We don't serve your type here."

ba-da-bing

Mad-Sci · 09-14-2001, 10:46 PM

Mine was stupier..ha ha ha...

LanSite · 09-14-2001, 10:49 PM

Well, if we're havin' a contest ...

A mushroom walks into a bar and asks for a hamburger. The bartender quickly replies "Sorry, we don't serve food here". The mushroom, shocked and offended retorts with "Why not? I'm a fungi!"

LanSite · 09-14-2001, 10:50 PM

... Wait a minute ... did I just add another post to that so I could be proclaimed The Most Stupid????

agent vivid · 09-14-2001, 11:04 PM

i thought we gave that title to you a long time ago, lannie ;

lol

ok

so my buddy was fired from his job today (he worked at an orange juice factory)

when i asked him why he was fired, he said "it's because i can't concentrate"

LanSite · 09-14-2001, 11:06 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by agent vivid
i thought we gave that title to you a long time ago, lannie ;

<looks around> Where's my crown, dammit?

a dyslexic man walks into a bra.....

Mad-Sci · 09-14-2001, 11:23 PM

the ant told the elephant:

"hey buddy could please put this slice of bread on you head"

elephand did.

" this is what I call BigMac " -ant says..

hyahahaha

LanSite · 09-15-2001, 12:10 AM

Did you hear about the man who fell into the upholstery machine?
He's all right, now. In fact, he's fully recovered

LanSite · 09-15-2001, 12:46 AM

A man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder. The barman looks at the creature and asks the man what he calls it.
"Tiny" replies the man.
"Why's that?" asks the bartender.
"Because he's my newt!"

LanSite · 09-15-2001, 01:41 AM

Come on folks ~ surely I am not the only one here with bad jokes ...

Two fisherman are out sailing when suddenly a hand appears in the sea. "What's this?" asked the first fisherman

The second fisherman replied, "It's just a little wave."

Dzine · 09-15-2001, 01:48 AM

Im not going for stupid, Lann has that covered, im just going for funny...

A Butler walks down stairs and the lady of the house stops him and says "Jeeves, I would like for you to take off my shirt."

Jeeves looks at her and becomes rather nervous and says "yes madam" and unbuttons her shirt and takes it off.

She then says, "Now Jeeves I would like you to take off my skirt"

Jeeves, now even more nervous says, "Yes madam" and removes her skirt.

The lady then says "Jeeves, I would like for you to take off my bra and panties"

Jeeves is so nervouse hes sweating now, his hands are shaking but as calm as he can say he says "Yes madam" and takes off her bra and panties.

The lady then sighs, and says, "Now Jeeves, If I ever catch you wearing my cloths again, youre fired."

D

nordberg · 09-15-2001, 01:48 AM

here lannie, i think these qualify....

"What does an attorney wear to work?"
"A law suit"

***********************

"What do bees chew?"
"Bumble gum"

***********************

"Two Pretzels were walking down the street."
"One was assaulted."

Dzine · 09-15-2001, 01:51 AM

These two joks you have to hit people with the delivery.

On both of these you come out of nowhere and say

Hey, did you know that No one living in this City could get into the cemetary over on such and such street"

And theyll say Realy? Why?

You say

They gotta be dead first.

Second one...

Hey? Did you hear about everyone just getting up and walking out of the theater last night?

Really what happened?

The movie ended.

D

nordberg · 09-15-2001, 01:51 AM

un otro....

Radio: "Police are looking for a man with one eye called George."

Boy: "What's his other eye called ?"

Dzine · 09-15-2001, 01:53 AM

A Daddy tomato, a momy tomato and a baby tomato are taking an after noon walk. The baby tomato starts dragging behind so the Daddy tomato goes back to the baby tomato, squashes him and says "Ketchup".

D

LanSite · 09-15-2001, 01:57 AM

"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."

LanSite · 09-15-2001, 02:03 AM

Q: What do you call the elephant witch doctor?
A: Mumbo Jumbo

A car breaks down along the motorway one day, so the driver eases it over onto the shoulder of the motorway. He jumps out of the car, opens the trunk, and pulls out two men in trench coats.
The men stand behind the car, open up their coats and start exposing themselves to the oncoming traffic. One of the worst pile-ups in history occurs.
When questioned by police why he put two deviates along the side of the road, the man replied, "I broke down and was just using my emergency flashers!"

nordberg · 09-15-2001, 02:04 AM

How did the telephones get married ?
In a double ring ceremony !

Why did the child study in the aeroplane ?
He wanted a higher education !

Why was the broom late ?
It over swept !

What kind of hair do oceans have ?
Wavy !

.........akkkkk, these are REALLY stupid

LanSite · 09-15-2001, 02:09 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by nordberg
.........akkkkk, these are REALLY stupid

Easy there, Nordy - you're about to edge me out for the crown ...

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09-14-2001, 07:17 PM	#1
Mad-Sci Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2000 Posts: 2,751	At a party.. Bond.James Bond. Damm. Van Damm. Claude Van Damm. Jean Claude Van Damme.. be well.. mad_sci

09-14-2001, 10:40 PM	#2
LanSite In a cavern, in a canyon, Excavating for a mine, Dwelt a miner, forty-niner And his daughter Clementine. Oh my darling, Clementine Join Date: Jan 2001 Posts: 288	Two fonts walk into a bar ... The Bartender looks up and says, "We don't serve your type here." ba-da-bing

09-14-2001, 10:46 PM	#3
Mad-Sci Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2000 Posts: 2,751	Mine was stupier..ha ha ha...

09-14-2001, 10:49 PM	#4
LanSite In a cavern, in a canyon, Excavating for a mine, Dwelt a miner, forty-niner And his daughter Clementine. Oh my darling, Clementine Join Date: Jan 2001 Posts: 288	Well, if we're havin' a contest ... A mushroom walks into a bar and asks for a hamburger. The bartender quickly replies "Sorry, we don't serve food here". The mushroom, shocked and offended retorts with "Why not? I'm a fungi!"

09-14-2001, 10:50 PM	#5
LanSite In a cavern, in a canyon, Excavating for a mine, Dwelt a miner, forty-niner And his daughter Clementine. Oh my darling, Clementine Join Date: Jan 2001 Posts: 288	... Wait a minute ... did I just add another post to that so I could be proclaimed The Most Stupid????

09-14-2001, 11:04 PM	#6
agent vivid caithness massiv Join Date: May 2000 Location: denver Posts: 1,672	i thought we gave that title to you a long time ago, lannie ; lol ok so my buddy was fired from his job today (he worked at an orange juice factory) when i asked him why he was fired, he said "it's because i can't concentrate"

09-14-2001, 11:23 PM	#8
Mad-Sci Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2000 Posts: 2,751	the ant told the elephant: "hey buddy could please put this slice of bread on you head" elephand did. " this is what I call BigMac " -ant says.. hyahahaha

09-15-2001, 12:10 AM	#9
LanSite In a cavern, in a canyon, Excavating for a mine, Dwelt a miner, forty-niner And his daughter Clementine. Oh my darling, Clementine Join Date: Jan 2001 Posts: 288	Did you hear about the man who fell into the upholstery machine? He's all right, now. In fact, he's fully recovered

09-15-2001, 12:46 AM	#10
LanSite In a cavern, in a canyon, Excavating for a mine, Dwelt a miner, forty-niner And his daughter Clementine. Oh my darling, Clementine Join Date: Jan 2001 Posts: 288	A man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder. The barman looks at the creature and asks the man what he calls it. "Tiny" replies the man. "Why's that?" asks the bartender. "Because he's my newt!"

09-15-2001, 01:41 AM	#11
LanSite In a cavern, in a canyon, Excavating for a mine, Dwelt a miner, forty-niner And his daughter Clementine. Oh my darling, Clementine Join Date: Jan 2001 Posts: 288	Come on folks ~ surely I am not the only one here with bad jokes ... Two fisherman are out sailing when suddenly a hand appears in the sea. "What's this?" asked the first fisherman The second fisherman replied, "It's just a little wave."

09-15-2001, 01:48 AM	#12
Dzine <img src="/graphics/junk/swirl.gif"><BR>Bodypaintin' Freak<BR>I ate my post count again Join Date: Jul 2000 Posts: 363	Im not going for stupid, Lann has that covered, im just going for funny... A Butler walks down stairs and the lady of the house stops him and says "Jeeves, I would like for you to take off my shirt." Jeeves looks at her and becomes rather nervous and says "yes madam" and unbuttons her shirt and takes it off. She then says, "Now Jeeves I would like you to take off my skirt" Jeeves, now even more nervous says, "Yes madam" and removes her skirt. The lady then says "Jeeves, I would like for you to take off my bra and panties" Jeeves is so nervouse hes sweating now, his hands are shaking but as calm as he can say he says "Yes madam" and takes off her bra and panties. The lady then sighs, and says, "Now Jeeves, If I ever catch you wearing my cloths again, youre fired." D

09-15-2001, 01:48 AM	#13
nordberg ¤ ¤ ¤ PAZ ¤ ¤ ¤ Join Date: Nov 2000 Location: east of west Posts: 4,703	here lannie, i think these qualify.... "What does an attorney wear to work?" "A law suit" ********************* "What do bees chew?" "Bumble gum" ********************* "Two Pretzels were walking down the street." "One was assaulted."

09-15-2001, 01:51 AM	#14
Dzine <img src="/graphics/junk/swirl.gif"><BR>Bodypaintin' Freak<BR>I ate my post count again Join Date: Jul 2000 Posts: 363	These two joks you have to hit people with the delivery. On both of these you come out of nowhere and say Hey, did you know that No one living in this City could get into the cemetary over on such and such street" And theyll say Realy? Why? You say They gotta be dead first. Second one... Hey? Did you hear about everyone just getting up and walking out of the theater last night? Really what happened? The movie ended. D

09-15-2001, 01:53 AM	#16
Dzine <img src="/graphics/junk/swirl.gif"><BR>Bodypaintin' Freak<BR>I ate my post count again Join Date: Jul 2000 Posts: 363	A Daddy tomato, a momy tomato and a baby tomato are taking an after noon walk. The baby tomato starts dragging behind so the Daddy tomato goes back to the baby tomato, squashes him and says "Ketchup". D

09-15-2001, 01:57 AM	#17
LanSite In a cavern, in a canyon, Excavating for a mine, Dwelt a miner, forty-niner And his daughter Clementine. Oh my darling, Clementine Join Date: Jan 2001 Posts: 288	"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."

09-15-2001, 02:03 AM	#18
LanSite In a cavern, in a canyon, Excavating for a mine, Dwelt a miner, forty-niner And his daughter Clementine. Oh my darling, Clementine Join Date: Jan 2001 Posts: 288	Q: What do you call the elephant witch doctor? A: Mumbo Jumbo A car breaks down along the motorway one day, so the driver eases it over onto the shoulder of the motorway. He jumps out of the car, opens the trunk, and pulls out two men in trench coats. The men stand behind the car, open up their coats and start exposing themselves to the oncoming traffic. One of the worst pile-ups in history occurs. When questioned by police why he put two deviates along the side of the road, the man replied, "I broke down and was just using my emergency flashers!"

09-15-2001, 02:04 AM	#19
nordberg ¤ ¤ ¤ PAZ ¤ ¤ ¤ Join Date: Nov 2000 Location: east of west Posts: 4,703	How did the telephones get married ? In a double ring ceremony ! Why did the child study in the aeroplane ? He wanted a higher education ! Why was the broom late ? It over swept ! What kind of hair do oceans have ? Wavy ! .........akkkkk, these are REALLY stupid