muffled farts: a bathroom thread

I'm sweating, don't feel like working and couldn't concentrate if I did... so I'm starting a long overdue bathroom thread. deal.

Ok, what is it with corporate bathrooms being so conducive to echoes?
I was just in one of our sales girls offices stealing some cold air and heard two loud *ss farts from the bathroom across the hall.
I gave her a "you gotta hear this all day?" look and she just looked at me helplessly and shrugged.

So two questions,
1. why would anyone design a bathroom with good acoustics at all?
2. what can one do to not have to walk out red faced after letting one rip?


yeah, it's that kind of day

dude... you're pooting into basically a porcelain tuba... so to muffle that, you'd need acoustic baffles on the inside of the porcelain god and perhaps multiple angles to diffuse the sound. And smell.

hell... now that's an idea, actually... a stealth toilet. paint it black, use that black toilet tissue... and get the Pope to support it - if it can muffle the holiest of holy rear release trumpets... you'd be a billionaire faster than you could say "two-ply".

ok... so with that said... I got a recent story too.

Was in the local mall and went into the bathroom due to a huge slurpee playing havoc on my bladder and upon walking in I was greeted with the loudest noise on this side of a airplane taking off. Then it came around again. I walked the heck out.

Whatever had crawled up and co-habitated within this person... I didn't want to bear witness any longer.

So I went to the nearest department store... and instead of it being like a mens/womens... it was like just one universal bathroom. And on the other side... there was a low grumbling... sorta like what a dragon after Taco Bell would sound like.

And out walks this woman. Sorta hot looking woman... but if she could pull that out; I'm a bit scared. And she could not look me into my eyes.

roar.

in the 4 years i've worked in my office i have yet to drop a deuce there. 8 women, 1 dude...we have separate bathrooms, but if the ladies room is taken the guys room is free game...ain't no way am i going to get looks from the women as the smelly kid in class.

I'm all for a stealth toilet. it'd save a lot of embarrassment all the way around

hahahhaha! at both of you but G's post is classic. :D

stealth the bathroom too. Ours has tile running up the wall about 4 feet all the way around! It's built like a cathedral. It's pretty common to release the hound you've been packing whilst at the stand up. No vision in design anymore I tell ya. What ever happened to function over form?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by gerbick

you'd be a billionaire faster than you could say "two-ply".

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If it was designed as an add-on to existing fittings... moo-lah!

why not just install anti-noise or a noise cancellation unit of some sort?

the epitome of SBD...



"What is that smell?"

Wasn't me, must've been you..."

Heh, that just reminded me of a funny short on The Lot last night. It was like a PSA about recreating the sound on the nearest thing that could make such a sound.
"No no, that wasn't a fart, I was just dragging this baseball card along a fence."

Ladies and gentlemen, in collaboration with the members in this thread, I present to you, the future of waste removal:

http://mysite.verizon.net/respxkoj/f...turetoilet.jpg

Or, you could invent a device that expands your colon so it silently falls out. :D

puwhahahahaha

o.m.g.

FK yeah Gen!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by lefteyewilly

in the 4 years i've worked in my office i have yet to drop a deuce there.

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What is wrong with you?

How do you do that?

Have you never shown up for work after a night out and had to clear the decks?

Virtually every day I go to the can here, simply because I can't get stirred up early in the morning (before I'm out the door) and dropping one in the evening is just plain weird - barring the occasional internal distress.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Genesis F5

Ladies and gentlemen, in collaboration with the members in this thread, I present to you, the future of waste removal:

http://board.flashkit.com/board/

Or, you could invent a device that expands your colon so it silently falls out. :D

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Some peeps have just to much time on there hands :)
Hong long did that take to draw up?

That baffling would be a b!tch to keep clean.

If you are the type to bother with cleaning, that is.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Genesis F5

Or, you could invent a device that expands your colon so it silently falls out. :D

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thats just wrong... sooooo wrong.... so wrong i think I'm permanently scared by the thought...


:p

Quote:

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Originally Posted by hurricaneone

What is wrong with you?

How do you do that?

Have you never shown up for work after a night out and had to clear the decks?

Virtually every day I go to the can here, simply because I can't get stirred up early in the morning (before I'm out the door) and dropping one in the evening is just plain weird - barring the occasional internal distress.

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it can be difficult sometimes, but mainly it's because i'm usually an early morning or late night go'er. so i'm cleared by work time. If there is an issue (usually a fast food lunch or gut-rot coffee), i've got my parent's house one block away...but it's not that often that i use it. :D

I agree with lefteye. I totally avoid using public restrooms to pitch a loaf at all costs. Hell, I already turn into a kung-fu master just to tinkle... kick the door open, kick the door closed, kick the handle, kick the knobs on the sink to turn them on... kick the soap dispenser... kick the kids in my way... sorta like Walker, Texas Ranger on fast forward with a bit of yellow sprinkled in for good measure.

I hate public restrooms.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by gerbick

I agree with lefteye. I totally avoid using public restrooms to pitch a loaf at all costs. Hell, I already turn into a kung-fu master just to tinkle... kick the door open, kick the door closed, kick the handle, kick the knobs on the sink to turn them on... kick the soap dispenser... kick the kids in my way... sorta like Walker, Texas Ranger on fast forward with a bit of yellow sprinkled in for good measure.

I hate public restrooms.

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Sounds pretty impressive. I try not to use public restrooms. But if I gotta go, I gotta go. I could careless what the females think, let it all out. :)

i enjoy public restrooms, theres always something nifty to read on the walls.

always use protection.

just because i'm out of town doesn't mean you can just start a bathroom thread without me. geeesh, the nerve...

:)

Curious,Anyone else grit there teeth and show the finger in the air when someone's knocking at your door at public loos :P

Just let one rip that peels the paints of the walls. They tend to get the message :D

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Originally Posted by Napalm

Just let one rip that peels the paints of the walls. They tend to get the message :D

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khi khi khi khi :D

Quote:

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Originally Posted by adit_ya_sharma

khi khi khi khi :D

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reminds me of this laugh - go straight to 2:20 and you'll see.

You really are a bunch of nancy lads.

I've been in some serious s***ters around the planet and by comparison going in the office lav we have here is like reaching Xanadu itself.

Even in London, some of the pub toilets are (quite literally) out of order, but if you've gotta, you've gotta.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by gerbick

reminds me of this laugh - go straight to 2:20 and you'll see.

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Ahi-yaan-yaan-yaan what the fk :D

Quote:

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Originally Posted by hurricaneone

That baffling would be a b!tch to keep clean.

If you are the type to bother with Bond Cleaning Gold Coast, that is.

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You are absolutely right cleaning is not that difficult and baffling is not a great idea..

I rename it and call it a "Toilette Thread" (Splash sh sh sh).