The Big List of Client Cliche's

[Agent_Coop]

We're compiling a list over here at Proposal Kit of client cliche's, quotes, qwips and other ramblings.

Famous Cliche' examples such as:

"The check is in the mail" (Ok, super-old.. I know)

"I want you to make what I want, not what I said".

"But my neighbor's kid said he could build it for $20"

"Can I have a complete site as a mock up before I decide?"

or anything else you can think of that makes the hairs on the back of your neck stand up!

Even quick little stories may be good...

Thoughts? Ultimately, this may make it into a new syndicated article, and we'll include the good ones in a sidebar with links.

Some are hard to distill down, I know... I once had a client ask for 15 mockups for free so they'd know what they were looking for.

[serpent star]

"This is flash right? Shouldn't it be moving more?"

[Agent_Coop]

That's good... I'm remembering one where they said:

"It needs to be more "Flashy".. let's slow it down a bunch..."

[TianaKaeSha]

I want it to look like 2A, you can do that, right?

[SubwayDesigns]

"This needs to be a little more wow"

[OddDog]

we wont something like 2A´s site but for 50 dollars ...

but i thought a professional photographer was included in the price ...

[Mac8myPC]

"I'll have that info to you by the end of the week"

sometimes interchangeable with

"I'll have that check to you by the end of the week"

later accompanied by

"Can't you just come by the office and pick up your check, I'm too much of a cheapskate to buy a freakin stamp and i'd rather you waste your time and gas to get money I promised to mail you a month ago."

[aeroflash]

"I want a site that looks like this ...." (shows competitor site)
"They make $$$ so they must be doing something right."

[erova]

*as I pull out my Ti Powerbook*

"ohhhhhh we don't use macs...that's gonna be a big problem"

another:

*here's something I found on the web but this guy wants to sell me the software for 15 grand...you can build it for under two, right?"


killin me smalls, killin me...

[loydall]

"I like it, but can you add a picture of a dog in a hat"

Not exactly a cliche as not many of you will have had this request but it is an example of some of things I get asked to do......

[nocrapchurch]

The client describes how he wants his site
"I want it to be... amazing!"

"I want it to be like eBay." (No joke. That's what the guy said.)

"I want to be listed number one on YAHOO!"

"I don't want people to be able to steal my pictures." (Good thing he didn't know about the Print Screen button.)

"It's not a very big site. It's only like 80 pages."

"I want it to better than {blank site}." (Just replace {blank site} with a multimillion dollar website.)


The client delays
"I never got that email. Your email must be messed up."

"If I would have known that's what you meant, I would never have agreed to that!"

"Sorry, but things have been really busy."


The client tries to get a special rate
"Let's start a partnership." This one is my favorite.

"I can refer a lot of clients to you. I know plenty of people in the industry."

"I will give you a lot of repeat business."

"I know it's not much money, but think of all the publicity you'll make by putting this new piece in your portfolio. I'm doing you a favor." (No joke on this one either.)

"You could go ahead and get a payment upfront, but if I offered you a percentage of my future sales, you would make a lot more money in the long run. You do want to make more money, don't you?"


The client tap dances around payment due
"I don't know why mail takes so long to get to your house."

"I know I owe you money, but if you do this job, I'll definitely have the money to pay you back for everything."

[aeroflash]

Originally posted by nocrapchurch


"I want to be listed number one on YAHOO!"

Thank you! I knew i forgot that one.
"I want to be number one in yahoo when I type 'realtor'. Can you guarantee me that???"

I actually have in my contract that I will NOT guarantee search engine reasults.

Another one...
"I want to make $$ off this site, but I'm a little tight right now"


And yes, I've been approached with the partnership offer maaaaany times. They might as well sell me Amway..

[Agent_Coop]

This is good stuff....thanks everyone so far!

Sort of a group therapy isn't it? All sorts of repressed memories are leaking out..

I had a client who wanted:

"It (website) to function just like www.Ice.com"

There were a silly little jewelry kiosk in a mall who said they were a "Major Player", but too cheap in the end.

This is getting fun...

[Mac8myPC]

"I'm going to be your biggest client!!" - LOL evey person who has told me that ended up not even doing a website

"can't you just take this site and use all the text and pictures on mine?"

[SubwayDesigns]

I think there was actually a website full of these; you could fill in your own experiences as comments - I still remember this one:

"-We need to have a way to deliver DVD quality video on the web, but it should work on slower connections and not be streaming
-That's impossible, DVD are hundreds of MBs a second...
-Fine, we'll take our business somewhere else"

[mentuat]

'make it edgy' ....ah, 'edgy', the word that means something totally different everytime they use it...

[monsterfx]

"We need it to be hip to appeal to young college graduates, but remember that this is a very conservative corporation and anything too wild won't get approved."

.....so who's my target audience here?

-monster.

[Agent_Coop]

That's great...

"Hip Corporation" there's an oxymoron..

"Edgy" makes me just feel plain "nervous"....

--------------------------------------------------------

Having a client actually say to you:

"The Customer is Always Right"

[pj88]

it's gotta "pop" can you make it pop?

i want one of those neat little dhtml sliding menu things but its gotta work in netscape3

[Agent_Coop]

This is from Ian here in the office....

>>>>

"But the globe in all the logos was supposed to spin"

"If you do it for free up front, we'll put you in the top of the MLM tree and build your downline for you" (seriously, I had that once many moons ago)

"We own all the rights to everything, we paid for it"

"Can we work that off in trade"