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Thread: We are Women... We Are Ready!! LOL

  1. #1
    The Metamorphic Mutant Mystique_MHz's Avatar
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    We are Women... We Are Ready!! LOL

    Take all American women who are within five years of menopause - train us for a few weeks, outfit us with automatic weapons, grenades, gas masks, moisturizer with SPF15, Prozac, hormones, chocolate, and canned tuna - drop us (parachuted, preferably) across the landscape of Afghanistan, and let us do what comes naturally.

    Think about it. Our anger quotient alone, even when doing standard stuff like grocery shopping and paying bills, is formidable enough to make even armed men in turbans tremble.

    We've had our children; we would gladly suffer or die to protect them and their future. We'd like to get away from our husbands, if they haven't left already. And for those of us who are single, the prospect of finding a good man with whom to share life is about as likely as being struck by lightning. We have nothing to lose.

    We've survived the water diet, the protein diet, the carbohydrate diet, and the grapefruit diet in gyms and saunas across America and never lost a pound. We can easily survive months in the hostile terrain of Afghanistan with no food at all!

    We've spent years tracking down our husbands or lovers in bars, hardware stores, or sporting events...finding Bin Laden in some cave will be no problem.

    Uniting all the warring tribes of Afghanistan in a new government?
    Oh, please ... we've planned the seating arrangements for in-laws and extended families at Thanksgiving dinners for years ... we understand tribal warfare.

    Between us, we've divorced enough husbands to know every trick there is for how they hide, launder, or cover up bank accounts and money sources. We know how to find that money and we know how to seize it ...with or without the government's help!

    Let us go and fight. The Taliban hates women. Imagine their terror as we crawl like ants with hot-flashes over their godforsaken terrain.

    I'm going to write my Congresswoman. You should, too!



  2. #2
    Juvenile Delinquent CVO Chris's Avatar
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    But then who will wash the dishes?

  3. #3
    Former Employee of Satan Napalm's Avatar
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    Originally posted by CVO Chris
    But then who will wash the dishes?
    I see your slow and painfull death in the near future
    Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups

  4. #4
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    Im with you 100% there Mystique_MHz we have had to put up with there threats, abuse,intimidation for as long as we have been on this planet,we have gone through more pain and suffering than any man, with child bearing to the lose of a child,i think if we were dropped of over there we would be able to finally let out our frustrations and anger and show then what it would be like to come across the modern day woman who will fight to the bitter end and to come out on top

  5. #5
    Phantom Flasher... Markp.com's Avatar
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    Its amazing how a thread with 4 posts can get over a 100 views, because someone mentions women

    Poor flashkit and its lonley guys

  6. #6
    Fan of Doritos alty29's Avatar
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    Originally posted by sexygoddess
    it would be like to come across the modern day woman who will fight to the bitter end and to come out on top

    man, there are so many jokes I could make right now

  7. #7

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    Re: We are Women... We Are Ready!! LOL

    Have you noticed anything fishy about the inspection teams who have arrived
    in Iraq? They're all men!

    How in the name of the United Nations does anyone expect men to find
    Saddam's stash? We all know that men have a blind spot when it comes to
    finding things. For crying' out loud! Men can't find the dirty clothes
    hamper. Men can't find the jar of jelly until it falls out of the cupboard
    and splatters on the floor.... and these are the people we have sent into
    Iraq to search for hidden weapons of mass destruction?

    I keep wondering why groups of mothers weren't sent in.

    Mothers can sniff out secrets quicker than a drug dog can find a gram of
    dope. Mothers can find gin bottles that dads have stashed in the attic
    beneath the rafters. They can sniff out a diary two rooms and one floor
    away. They can tell when the lid of a cookie jar has been disturbed and
    notice when a quarter inch slice has been shaved off a chocolate cake. A
    mother can smell alcohol on your breath before you get your key in the front
    door and can smell cigarette smoke from a block away. By examining laundry,
    a mother knows more about their kids than Sherlock Holmes. And if a mother
    wants an answer to question, she can read an offender's eyes quicker than a
    homicide detective.

    So... considering the value a mother could bring to an inspection team, why
    are we sending a bunch of men who will rely on electronic equipment to scout
    out hidden threats?

    My mother would walk in with a wooden soup spoon in one hand, grab Saddam by
    the ear, give it a good twist and snap, "Young man, do you have any weapons
    of mass destruction?" And if he tried to lie to her, she'd march him down
    the street to some secret bunker and shove his nose into a nuclear bomb and
    say, "Uh, huh, and what do you call this, mister?" Whap! Thump! Whap!
    Whap! Whap! And she'd lay some stripes across his bottom with that soup
    spoon, then march him home in front of the whole of Baghdad. He'd not only
    come clean and apologize for lying about it, he'd cut every lawn in Baghdad
    for free for the whole damn summer.

    Inspectors! You want the job done? Call my mother.

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  8. #8
    The Metamorphic Mutant Mystique_MHz's Avatar
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    LOL... I love this place

  9. #9
    Lol, this thread has made my day.
    John Starkey: So what if I have had sexual relations with Saddam.

    Looking for a webhost, paid, free, or dedicated? Check out this thread, to get my reviews.

  10. #10
    dIgital pHoto dude! TheEnigma's Avatar
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    Re: We are Women... We Are Ready!! LOL

    Originally posted by Mystique_MHz
    I'm going to write my Congresswoman. You should, too!
    As mark has said before me ( To Fruity I think) - shouldnt the right phrase be I'm gonna write to my Congresswoman ???
    Been a while since I was here! Might just stay around this time! | Check out my Deviations - all comments welcomed!


  11. #11
    dIgital pHoto dude! TheEnigma's Avatar
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    Originally posted by Markp.com
    Its amazing how a thread with 4 posts can get over a 100 views, because someone mentions women

    Poor flashkit and its lonley guys
    Wasnt it you who started the FK lonely hearts club?
    Been a while since I was here! Might just stay around this time! | Check out my Deviations - all comments welcomed!


  12. #12
    Banned indivision's Avatar
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    lol, that was awesome.

  13. #13
    An Inconvenient Serving Size hurricaneone's Avatar
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    Re: Re: We are Women... We Are Ready!! LOL

    Originally posted by TheEnigma
    As mark has said before me ( To Fruity I think) - shouldnt the right phrase be I'm gonna write to my Congresswoman ???
    American (the language) drops the 'to' in cases such as this.

    These ladies do have some valid points. Someone needs to get Colin Powell to read this thread and then we might get the ball rolling.

    Stand by for emergency synapse rerouting

  14. #14
    ostracized Fruitloops's Avatar
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    Re: Re: We are Women... We Are Ready!! LOL

    Originally posted by TheEnigma
    As mark has said before me ( To Fruity I think) - shouldnt the right phrase be I'm gonna write to my Congresswoman ???
    Yes, it was me and my bad grammar he was talking to. Lol, I found it quite nice of you to point out I was the one being corrected.

  15. #15
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    Originally posted by alty29
    man, there are so many jokes I could make right now

    Now i dont think that would be very wise of you to say

  16. #16
    dIgital pHoto dude! TheEnigma's Avatar
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    Re: Re: Re: We are Women... We Are Ready!! LOL

    Originally posted by hurricaneone
    American (the language) drops the 'to' in cases such as this.
    But Americans say that they are speaking English!!!

    Been a while since I was here! Might just stay around this time! | Check out my Deviations - all comments welcomed!


  17. #17
    Information Architect Subway's Avatar
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    Tank Girl?

    Can you send me one of them for personal use?

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  18. #18
    supervillain gerbick's Avatar
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    Re: Re: Re: Re: We are Women... We Are Ready!! LOL

    Originally posted by TheEnigma
    But Americans say that they are speaking English!!!

    And Americans do speak English. However, do you have a point or are you going to drag this thread through the overly obvious yet extremely tiresome game of state the obvious differences of Queen's English vs. American English.

    Rather obvious, they're based off the same foundation, but over 200+ years of separation and a wish to distance themselves from the Queen's language, you now see the difference.

    'tis simple. care to join me for a spot of tea now, mate?




    <resume thread>

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  19. #19
    dIgital pHoto dude! TheEnigma's Avatar
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    Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: We are Women... We Are Ready!! LOL

    Originally posted by gerbick
    [B]And Americans do speak English. However, do you have a point

    Me have a pont? LOL - your funny Gerbs

    'tis simple. care to join me for a spot of tea now, mate?
    Why yes old chap - tally ho and chocs away!

    Good job I have a sence of humour
    Been a while since I was here! Might just stay around this time! | Check out my Deviations - all comments welcomed!


  20. #20
    supervillain gerbick's Avatar
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    Enigma, it's the same in most languages. Castillian (sp?) Spanish is so different from Mexican, Puerto Rican, Cuban, what not Spanish(es).

    I know German, and for instance, when I'm talking to a Bavarian (southern part of Germany) I have to make sure that person will can/will also talk Hoch Deutsch (high german - what they teach in schools/uni) instead of Bayerische... which I can understand. At times.

    In both cases, the original foundation persists, some similarities exist, but they can confuse the living daylights out of each other.

    now, can you honestly say tally ho with a straight face!?

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