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Thread: FlipShark's Deepest Darkest Confession

  1. #1
    http://www.flipshark.com flipshark's Avatar
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    FlipShark's Deepest Darkest Confession

    What I am about to tell you may not be for the faint of heart, nor the faint of stomach. What I am about to tell you may both shock and awe you (even more so than finding out carrot top was a man).

    See my friends, or whatever you call people reading this post. I have been living a lie for years now and it is time the truth came out. For every drunk chick I hit on, and I every chick I hit on while drunk, as well as anyone else who will listen:

    I HATE BEER!!!!

    That's right FlipShark, the man you never knew, nor loved, HATES BEER. I have been drinking beer since the ripe old age of three, and if is an aquired taste it is a taste that is lost on me.

    So, you may ask, what can you possibly drink in place of beer? What will you pour on your Captain Crunch cereal when you run out of milk?

    Well this is where the story takes a turn for the worse...
    Not only, do I not like beer, I am a closet chick drink liker. That's right, I like chick drinks. Breezers, sex on the beach, hard lemonades, long island ice teas and almost anything with a cherry or whipped cream that will get you wasted is something I like.

    If that is not shocking enough, sadly there is still more.
    I'm afraid, I am also an old fogey drink liker too. That's right, tom colins, cognac, whiskey sour, bloody ceasar's and of course the famous rum and coke. You may never look at me the same way again, but alas, the truth must be told.

    So why am I telling you all this. Well I've had the last straw!
    Why must I walk into a bar and order a beer like it's the only thing they serve?
    Why must I cough up my hard earned money on a drink I must choke down until I'm too drunk to taste the difference?
    Why must beer be the only alcohol served with a breakfast of cold pizza?
    Why must I be expected to buy teenagers beer, when there is a world of alcohol I can expose them too?

    I ask you why?? why??? WHY??

    Thank you.

  2. #2
    supervillain gerbick's Avatar
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    oh.

    you hate beer.

    off with your head!

    [ Hello ] | [ gerbick ] | [ Ω ]

  3. #3
    Eat Rice!
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    HAWHAW he drinks girly drinks
    *points and laughs*

    feel better?.... if not go have another one of your girly drinks. haha

  4. #4
    http://www.flipshark.com flipshark's Avatar
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    Originally posted by gerbick
    off with your head!
    Which one??

  5. #5
    http://www.flipshark.com flipshark's Avatar
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    Originally posted by riceraver
    HAWHAW he drinks girly drinks
    *points and laughs*

    feel better?.... if not go have another one of your girly drinks. haha
    your just a hedrinksgirlydrinksaphobe

  6. #6
    Retired Mod aversion's Avatar
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    I'm not a big fan of beers, higher quality stuff like grolsch is ok, but then again I don't drink girly drinks either

    cider is the way to go, more refreshing than beer, more envigorating than a slap in the face, cider... the real man's drink.

  7. #7
    supervillain gerbick's Avatar
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    Originally posted by flipshark
    Which one??
    whichever you do the most thinking with, of course.

    [ Hello ] | [ gerbick ] | [ Ω ]

  8. #8
    Senior Member Vincent26381's Avatar
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    whiskey-coke, that's what I always drink.
    To some people you say it's just coke to others you say you have wiskey in it
    Vincent
    SWIS BV

    Last edited by Markp.com on 07-23-2003 at 02:25 AM

  9. #9
    Eat Rice!
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    hehe not really.

    Dont' be ashamed.. being a bartender for awhile, you learn that quite a few guys do drink other drinks. its okay,,, you're still sorta normal.

    I don't normally drink much beer these days anyway... i've grown more civilized. Wine is where its at.

  10. #10
    Not PWD ViRGo_RK's Avatar
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    Nothing wrong with hard lemonades.

    Vodkas probably cool.

    But, oh my, sex on the beach?

    Coolers?

    We have been forsaken.


    PAlexC: That's just Chuck Norris's way of saying sometimes corn needs to lay the heck down.
    Gerbick: America. Stabbing suckers since Vespucci left.

  11. #11
    Eat Rice!
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    try a good cognac.. maybe some remy martin XO. That'll get you off of those girly drinks. put some hair on your chest too.

  12. #12
    G-Mace cougrhky20's Avatar
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    Re: FlipShark's Deepest Darkest Confession

    Originally posted by flipshark
    Why must I be expected to buy teenagers beer, when there is a world of alcohol I can expose them too?
    haha lmao

  13. #13
    http://www.flipshark.com flipshark's Avatar
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    Originally posted by gerbick
    whichever you do the most thinking with, of course.
    Okay, okay, but I'll be walking funny for a couple of weeks.

  14. #14
    New Wave Visionray's Avatar
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    WHAT ARE THESE WORDS YOU SPEAK?!

    How on earth can you hate beer? How can you not enjoy an ice cold Corona while sitting on A Carribean beach? A German Weissbeer on a hot summer's day? A warm Guiness on a cold winter night?



    "I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer."
    --Homer Simpson

  15. #15
    http://www.flipshark.com flipshark's Avatar
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    Originally posted by riceraver
    try a good cognac.. maybe some remy martin XO. That'll get you off of those girly drinks. put some hair on your chest too.
    I like cognac, I don't know what kind it is just some expensive stuff my uncle (rich) keeps in his own fancy bottle above his house bar.

  16. #16
    King of Cool wouter999's Avatar
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    Originally posted by riceraver
    try a good cognac.. maybe some remy martin XO. That'll get you off of those girly drinks. put some hair on your chest too.
    Remy XO?!! That'll not only put some hair on your chest but make your wallet about two pounds lighter!! I do enjoy the occasionl cognac though..
    hello.

  17. #17
    http://www.flipshark.com flipshark's Avatar
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    Originally posted by aversion
    I'm not a big fan of beers,
    *IGNORES THE REST OF AVERSIONS POST*
    Look like I've found another one

  18. #18
    Retired SCORM Guru PAlexC's Avatar
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    Kids In The Hall - Girl Drink Drunk

    Cast:
    Dave- Ray
    Kevin- Russell Miller Barnes, Dave's boss
    Woman W- waitress
    Woman S- secretary
    Man- guy at Dave's workplace
    Kid- a boy
    [Scene takes place in a bar. Dave and Kevin are sitting at a table.]

    Kevin: Ray, I guess you're wondering why I asked you here tonight. [Dave nods] Well, the board had a little meeting today and unless my eyes deceive me I think I'm facing the new vice-president in charge of distribution! Congratulations Ray!

    [Kevin and Dave shake hands]

    Dave: Thank you Mr. Barnes.

    Kevin: Please. Call me Russell. Let's celebrate with a drink!

    Dave: Oh uh I'm afraid I don't drink, Russ.

    Kevin: Grown man like you Ray?

    Dave: Well I've just never liked the taste of alcohol.

    Kevin: Oh come on Ray. What about a Chocolate Choo Choo? It's a girl drink. Tastes like candy. [in low-pitched voice] Don't disappoint me Ray.

    Dave: Okay uh, sure Russ. I'll have a... Chocolate Choo Choo.

    Kevin: Great! I hate to drink alone. Can I have a Chocolate Choo Choo for my friend please and I'll have a scotch-and-soda!

    [Dave gets and drinks Chocolate Choo Choo. Caption: "GIRL DRINK DRUNK". Background music. Kevin smiles. Dave has three more drinks. Kevin orders another scotch-and-soda for himself. Dave has fourth drink. Cut to Kevin and the waitress laughing and standing behind the chair where Dave's sitting and laughing.]

    Kevin: I think I did! Hey dear soldier, huh Ray? [to the waitress] Another Tahitian Tihi(?) for my friend the vice-president!

    [waitress goes to get drink]

    Woman W: Choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo.

    Kevin: And waitress, this time no giggling.

    [Dave has five more drinks. Fade to Kevin and the waitress leaning against the bar.]

    Kevin: Waitress, could my friend have another Bourbon Bugs' Blood?

    Woman W: Will he need a fresh bib?

    [Kevin and the waitress look at Dave - who's sitting at the table wearing a bib and holding a glass - then at each other and nod yes. Waitress goes to get drink. Footage of Dave running. There's a black background behind him. As he runs, some of the things that travel across the screen are bar signs and calendar dates. "The Zim Zam Club", "July 8", "The Pig and the Poodle", "July 11", "Mai Tai Joe (?)ung's", "Boozeteria", "July 14". Fade to Dave sitting on an office chair with his head and arms flopped on the desk in front of him. In one hand he holds a paper umbrella.]

    Man: [shaking Dave's shoulder] Ray. [music stops] Ray. Are you okay? Is uh, [Dave lifts his head and looks up at the man] is anything wrong?

    Dave: No I'm, I'm... I'm fine. I just have to-- I've just gotta [throws umbrella behind him]... I've just gotta go get some paperclips.

    Man: [smiling] Okay.

    [Cut to view of two women. One of them is standing and holding some papers in her hand. The other is sitting down at a desk.]

    Dave: Morning ladies! [view of Dave standing near a door with his hand on the knob] I'll just be in here if anyone should... need me.

    [Opens door, enters room, closes door. Background music. Turns on light. From inside jacket he takes out a liquor bottle, a piece of coconut and a shredder which he places on a desk. Music stops. Outside, the two women hear noise coming from the room.]

    Woman S: Are you okay in there Ray?

    [In room. View of electric mixer mixing liquid.]

    Dave: I'M FINE! I'M JUST LOOKING FOR PAPERCLIPS!

    [Starts looking through a pile of papers on the floor. Finds paper umbrella, opens it up, puts it in the glass containing his drink and drinks. Cut to Dave exiting the room.]

    Dave: Everything's all right. [closes door] I found them. [pats with right hand the left top pocket of his jacket]

    Woman S: Ray, Mr. Miller would like to see you.

    Dave: Really? [secretary nods yes] That's excellent. I'll just get some more paperclips first. [opens door, enters room, closes door; noise of electric mixer]

    [later, the secretary is holding up a drunk Dave in Kevin's office's doorway]

    Dave: Russ. I hear you wanted to see me.

    Kevin: Have a seat Ray.

    Dave: Pft. Sure.

    [Moves away from secretary, tries to move toward chair in front of Kevin's desk, falls down, gets up, goes to chair and sits. Secretary rolls eyes and leaves closing the door behind her.]

    Kevin: Would you like a drink? [smiles and walks to his office bar]

    Dave: Yes Russ. I'll have a Squash Strawberry Alley Cat if you don't mind.

    Kevin: [at his bar holding a liquor bottle and a glass in his hands] Gee Ray I... don't think I know that one.

    Dave: Well it's really quite simple Russ. You simply take twelve large strawberries chopped, three ounces of dark rum and a...

    Kevin: [puts bottle and glass back on shelf] Good God.

    Dave: ...splash of creme de menthe...

    Kevin: Coming. Coming.

    [Later. Kevin is at bar finishing up Dave's drink.]

    Dave: ...shake gently and pour.

    Kevin: [hands Dave glass containing drink] Here you go Ray.

    Dave: Ooh. [takes drink] Thank you Russ. [starts drinking from straw]

    Kevin: Ray, I'm sorry to have to tell you this [sitting down in his chair] but you missed a whole week's work.

    Dave: But I can 'splain.

    Kevin: No Ray. No 'splanations necessary. It's your drinking. It's got outta control. Let's face it Ray: you're a girl drink drunk. We've gotta let you go.

    Dave: Tsk.

    Kevin: But you know Ray, [puts feet on desk and arms behind head] I can't help feeling responsible for your condition. But then, I can't help not caring. It's who I am and I refuse to apologize for it. [takes feet off desk and arms from behind head] NOW GET OUT OF MY OFFICE before you start throwing up... little fruity things.

    Dave: Fine. [puts glass on Kevin's desk and gets up] But you know, you're not the only cardboard packaging company in town.

    Kevin: Yes we are Ray.

    Dave: Oh? [Kevin nods] Oh *well*. [background music as Dave makes his way to the door]

    [Clips of Dave talking to bartenders at various bars. The bartenders all nod 'no'. Behind each bartender there is a sign with the bar's name: AL's Place, Jake's Place, Place de Pierre. Fade to boy running. In his background there is a building with a sign that says "ICE CREAM", "POP CORN" alternately. The boy stops near Dave who's sleeping on the grass in front of a tree.]

    Kid: [kicking Dave in the butt] Hey mister! [Dave lifts himself and props himself against the tree] Here's your milkshake.

    Dave: Ah.

    Kid: Thanks for the ice cream. [hands Dave milkshake and runs away]

    Dave: Aah. Thanks kid.

    [Music stops. Dave takes out a straw from front jacket pocket and puts it in milkshake cup. Background music starts. Puts cup on ground. Takes out liquor bottle from inside jacket and pours it into the milkshake. Puts liquor bottle on ground. Picks up cup and drinks from straw as he slides down against the tree out of view.]

    Kevin's V.O.: "Tastes like candy Ray. It's a... girl drink."
    "What really bugs me is that my mom had the audacity to call Flash Kit a bunch of 'inept jack-asses'." - sk8Krog
    ...and now I have tape all over my face.

  19. #19
    http://www.flipshark.com flipshark's Avatar
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    Originally posted by Visionray
    WHAT ARE THESE WORDS YOU SPEAK?!

    How on earth can you hate beer? How can you not enjoy an ice cold Corona while sitting on A Carribean beach? A German Weissbeer on a hot summer's day? A warm Guiness on a cold winter night?

    "I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer."
    --Homer Simpson
    Never been to the carribean (I here they have pirates [/end stupid joke])

    And I wouldn't classify Guinness as a beer it falls into the Ale/Lager category which is separate from beer. On my hot summers day, why not a poppers hard lemonade, or a Smirnoff Ice?

  20. #20
    Eat Rice!
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    Originally posted by wouter999
    Remy XO?!! That'll not only put some hair on your chest but make your wallet about two pounds lighter!! I do enjoy the occasionl cognac though..
    oh but it is soooo worth it. got 5 wonderfully red boxes with 5 wonderfully filled bottles on display at my place. Goes down like water.... whooo.

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