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Thread: Writers Corner

  1. #1
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    Writers Corner

    --------------------
    If you want to share your work, post them here..be it short stories, or poetry.. I like to read them as well as write them..Here are a couple samples of mine...Unedited
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    Each step I take brings me further away from the past that haunts my very being. Each moment that passes casts a deep shadow behind me sending waves of pain that stings my soul. Her eyes remain just a memory that embodies every breath I take. THough my thoughts of moving on do exist, I feel trapped, confused, lost in a fog of hurt that swarms over me.

    I believe my eys tell others of innocense, youthfullness, and a sense of shelter. This is far from the truth. My wisdom is strong and my needs are great. What they dont know, is my face, my shell, is but a play casted by events surrounding me. This play though is secretive, guarded by a thick curtain of lies that exist on my outside. The stage I play on is presented as a happy cheerfull one, but the pain inside runs deep. Thoughts of her haunt me, take a hold of me, but I find that it reminds me of the love that we once shared.

    Though the sunlight burns strongly upon my skin, my coldness inside sweeps into my purpose. The shivers are not from the elements but of the sorrow that infects me inside. I feel the lost sense of being that creeps accross my body. The abandonment seeks to haunt my mind, occupying my every moment. Though I am open, my heart is closed as each breath punctures my pain, brusing me internally. I move on, I move with pride facing every demon that is tossed this way.

    When I remember how this began, I remember the panic that swept into me. I remember the restless nights, the curling of my mind, body and soul. What exists for me is a trap of substance, that haunts with me. Caught in the middle of having loved, feeling of love and the abandondment. Their are tears that exist, but they are trapped, they seem to fall inside of me and not outside. I dont feel weak, but need the tears to release my hunger to move on, however they dont and I feel a shallowness deep inside of me. How can I exist like this? How can every beat strike into the would that punctured me. It hurts me, but I want to move on. This is a moment that pouirs into me like a river, not to give life though, but to cause pain.

    I second guess every moment, I feel my confidence slowly slipping away from my destiny. WHat strength I have escapes me somehow. I feel the fear, but I move on, I step forward with uneeaseness. This is a time where my thoughts will not overcome me. This is a time where I will tuck them away. The breath that I take will not choke me, but will allow me to push on.

    Each moment of dispair sends a doubt, it crushes my soul. The pain dances around me as five wors spark a deep wound. The familiar phrase that I wake from within my darkned dreams. The phrase that reminds me of why she is not b eside me when I awake. These five words " I dont love you anymore".

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    Broken Heart

    WHen I close my eyes
    I can hear my cries
    They are deep inside
    Feelings I hide
    Each day I move along
    Hoping I can be strong
    For I still love her
    That I am sure

    I cant move away from the past
    I fear tha tthe moment will not last
    Because if I do
    I'd loose a love that was so true.
    Yet I need to move ahead
    Trapped though I am instead.
    I feel that because of this
    I will never feel that bliss.

    WHen I think of her here
    I struggle to fight a tear.
    She has my very essence
    She has my very substance
    Each breath that I take
    Makes my hear want to break.
    Each step that I place
    Expresses sorrow on my face.

    Mike

  3. #3
    Stanner FlAss's Avatar
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    How come the 'Writers Corner' thread omits an apostrophe? Surely it should be Writers' Corner?
    And now I/Foam to wheat, a glitter of seas./The child's cry//Melts in the wall./And I/Am the arrow,//The dew that flies/Suicidal, at one with the drive/Into the red//Eye, the cauldron of morning.

  4. #4
    Senior Member mg33's Avatar
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    Below is what I consider to be a crowning moment in the history of my lengthy posts, and in Flashkit's history. Either you know, or you don't know. But all can enjoy...


    And man[agent vivid], the absolute best episode of Full House was on yesterday: Stephanies shady but semi-caring friend asked Stephanie to go to her house on Friday night, her mom would be working late, and she was going to have a small party.
    Stephanie asked Danny if she could go, and he asked about parental supervision at the party (I think they are 13 in this episode) Her friend lied and said that her mother would be there, Danny approved of Stepanie's attendance.
    So Friday comes around, DJ drove Stephanie to the party, and the living room was situated with appropriate male/female, or should I say "boy/girl" pairings. Stephanie's friend came through for her, inviting a young sprout whom I belive answered to "Brian." Upon Stepanie's arrival, she was quickly whisked across the room to meet Bryan, moments later the living room lights dimmed, and the kissing persued.... [insert dramatic pre-teen oooooooohhhhhhhh voice effect]
    Stephanie and Brian were sitting on the couch, and leave it to Bryan to figure Stephanie would forge ahead with the kissing, picture a young mindless grommet of junior high status puckering his lips in the most guppy of fashions, complete with eyes closed. Now, picture the look on Stephanie's face as she quickly alerts to his intentions, but still doesn't realize she is at a makeout party. A few glances around the dimmly lit living room presents to her a veritable kiss-fest (unfortunatly not the band) in which it reeks of obviousness that these young adolescents are absolutely on Cloud 9. I honestly believe Stephanie got the feeling that the gates of hell were opening up and were about to swallow her whole, the look on her face said it all. I mean, for most of us that first kiss situation was a total nightmare, saturated with the parentaly painted illusion that kissing is how babies are made.
    Stephanie attempts to strike up a conversation with the overbearing Brian, soon after, he tries to convice her that they are at a "makeout" party, not a talking party. Stephanie then gives in, and the most ridiculous display of amaturism ensues, leaving young Brian quivering for more, and Stephanie thouroughly grossed out, though she contains her disgust behind the slightest of smiles. Conversation follows, along the lines of Brian asking for another one, and Stephanie saying she does not feel right about the situation.(I at first thought her dislike for the kiss stemmed from Brian possibly not freshening up with Banaca, however, as you will soon find out, Stephanie is a good kid, morals undoubtedly programmed through years of living with neatfreak, hugging addict and father, Danny Tanner) Her friend who is hosting the event is distracted from her current liplock, enough so to take Stephanie across the room and inquire as to "What's the problem? Why won't you kiss him?" She says she does not feel right, that she did not know it was going to be that kind of party, and that she has no desire to kiss Brian-maybe in the future, but not then. Surprisingly, her friend understands, and I say surprisingly becuase her friend began the show as Stephanies arch-nemessis, provoking fighting, lying, cheating, and I believe even a peer pressure situation involving the smoking of cigarettes.
    Her friend says she can use the phone to call home, in which the bottom falls out of the situation.
    You see, Danny has had laryengitis, and has been talking with barely a voice during the episode. Stephanie calls home, and is too miffed by the horror of so much kissing in the room-she hears Danny barely talking and thinks it is her sister DJ. She says: "DJ, it's Steph. Can you come pick me up? I thought this was a normal party, but everyone is kissing and I just want to go home. Don't tell dad where you are going, he sort of believes there are adults here."
    Well, Danny is the one on the other end of the phone, not DJ. His face upon hearing the words "it totally turned into a makeout party" was enough to split the television screen. Shock, disbelief, dissapointment, all wrapped into one look.
    So the father drives to the girls house, Stephanie hears the knock on the door, thinks it is DJ, opens the door, and sees her father. As you can imagine, she slams the door shut in shock. (Tried and true classic television reaction, a true art if done effectivly)
    She then opens it, and Danny can't talk becuase of his voice. About the same time, Stephanie's friend who is hosting the party-her mother arrives in the back door early from work! (another classic sitcom shocker, when parents are expected at a certain time, they always arrive early.-the Seaver children on Growing Pains are notorious for their poor planning and botched party operations due to Maggie and Jason always, always coming home early)
    Well, the girl's mother gives Jason some kind of magic family potion that clears up his voice in roughly 5 seconds. A silly conversation follows between the two parents, blah blah this, blah blah that. The two adults exchange sparkles in their eyes at the reality that they are both single parents. (Should anything come of this puppy love, Danny will likly blow it by obsessing over neatness and hygiene)
    ...Well, the episode wraps up with Stephanie and Danny discussing what happened, how he is dissapointed in her, but proud that she was smart enough to get out of a bad situation-she is told that is very "adult of her." Next comes the deep meaningful moral of the show, accompanied by that sentimental music that gets you right in the gut.
    Stephanie then learns of her grounding from leaving the house for the next two weeks. Well, in her mind, if that keeps her from tense kissing situations, what is she missing?

    Well that was yesterdays episode of Full House. Keep in mind that that was half the show, the other half involved Uncle Jessie's fears of a failed music career, and a nightmare of his hair falling out. That's all rubbish, no need to talk about any of that.

    It's such a fantastic thing when sictoms give us episodes in which problems and issues we are plagued with in society (Marijuana, truancy, disrespect, binge drinking, sibling rivalry, cursing, fascination with boy bands, many more) are basically thrown out the door, and the ageless predicament of the first kiss is given absolute importance and exposed for what it really is: the bain of human existance...
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  5. #5
    New Wave Visionray's Avatar
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    MG33,

    How do you get so riled up over an episode of Full House?

    In the beginning, when you realize the best actors in the show are infant twins, then there is a problem. Every single episode ended with one of those annoying (and ever-growing) clan of kids hugging a parent/uncle and saying how much they loved each other. Along with the sappy music, you have the default ending of a Full House episode. Oh I admit, I have watched plenty an episode, but you have to admit it's one of the cheesiest shows ever produced in America. The last straw was when they brought in those extra twins and like 30 people lived in that one house.

    It's weakest link is Dave Coulier (aka "Joey"), who has got to be the most unfunny "funny-man" in the history of sit-com. It's like, everytime he says something, you're waiting for that little drum and symbol sound. "da-ding-ting". Even my gradmother thinks his humor is outdated. Hey JOEY, you can't just talk like Pop-Eye all the time. It gets old.

    There's Bob Saget, whose character is such a dorkus you just want to kick him in the ass. He was even worse on America's Funniest Home Videos, which is unfortunate because Bob Saget actually has a very good sense of humor in real life. The real Bob Saget started out as a filthy stand-up comedian with a razor wit.

    And then there is "Uncle Jesse Katsopolis", such a rebel. Had a rediculous looking mullet, was in a band, rode a motorcycle, and made the occasional sarcastic joke. Sounds like a really cool guy at first, but there's a problem: this rebel doesn't drink, he rides his bike like a girl, and his band plays Beach Boys songs.

    The only redeeming quality about the show was the occasional appearance of the hot and sexy "Rebecca". Hey! It's like My Two Dads meets the Facts of Life! With THREE dads! What were they thinking?

  6. #6
    Always Twirling Toward Freedom pooon's Avatar
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    I won a couple short story contests a while back for one I had wrote, but I lost the computer file and I only made two print outs. One went in for the contest and the other is hidden some where at my parents house. If I ever find it, I'll post it.

  7. #7
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    i know,
    i really know,
    that i've made lots of mistakes...

    but,
    is it really a mistake?
    to take none of love,
    and return it with lots of them?

    yes? no?
    none can answer...
    all i can say is,
    yes i do love you.

    DK~13Oct2003


    i got a few more, but itz in my native language, indonesian...
    seems like indonesian language can express things more

  8. #8
    more cowbell DigitalOne's Avatar
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    Originally posted by Visionray
    MG33,

    How do you get so riled up over an episode of Full House?

    In the beginning, when you realize the best actors in the show are infant twins, then there is a problem. Every single episode ended with one of those annoying (and ever-growing) clan of kids hugging a parent/uncle and saying how much they loved each other. Along with the sappy music, you have the default ending of a Full House episode. Oh I admit, I have watched plenty an episode, but you have to admit it's one of the cheesiest shows ever produced in America. The last straw was when they brought in those extra twins and like 30 people lived in that one house.

    It's weakest link is Dave Coulier (aka "Joey"), who has got to be the most unfunny "funny-man" in the history of sit-com. It's like, everytime he says something, you're waiting for that little drum and symbol sound. "da-ding-ting". Even my gradmother thinks his humor is outdated. Hey JOEY, you can't just talk like Pop-Eye all the time. It gets old.

    There's Bob Saget, whose character is such a dorkus you just want to kick him in the ass. He was even worse on America's Funniest Home Videos, which is unfortunate because Bob Saget actually has a very good sense of humor in real life. The real Bob Saget started out as a filthy stand-up comedian with a razor wit.

    And then there is "Uncle Jesse Katsopolis", such a rebel. Had a rediculous looking mullet, was in a band, rode a motorcycle, and made the occasional sarcastic joke. Sounds like a really cool guy at first, but there's a problem: this rebel doesn't drink, he rides his bike like a girl, and his band plays Beach Boys songs.

    The only redeeming quality about the show was the occasional appearance of the hot and sexy "Rebecca". Hey! It's like My Two Dads meets the Facts of Life! With THREE dads! What were they thinking?
    You are truly the funniest man on Flashkit. Whoa.

  9. #9
    Stanner FlAss's Avatar
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    Vis--vis

    "Your 5 predecessors were by design based on a similar predication. A contingent affirmation that was meant to create a profound attachment to the rest of your species facilitating the function of the One. While the others experienced this in a very general way your experience is far more specific, vis--vis love."

    I am very confused by the above. First, the language in the first sentence is pleonastic. "Based on a similar predication" means 'Based on a similar basis'. Maybe 'Had similar predications' would have been better? Anyway what we have established is that Neo's "design" is similar at a basic level to the other Ones, in that they all had an attachment to their species (presumably so that they would perpetuate the cycle of Zion's instauration and eradication).

    The next sentence is where I get lost. What is a "contingent affirmation"? The word 'affirmation' as I understand it does not seem to me to fit into its context. Now 'contingent' means 'dependent', 'possible', 'by chance'. So we have 'a declaration or confirmation of truth/validity which is dependent on what might happen OR has arisen by chance'. None of those permutations help my understanding. Neo and his predecessors' attachment to humanity was created by a "contingent affirmation". Je suis dsol, je ne comprends pas, as the Merovingian would say.

    However I do get how this "profound attachment" could facilitate the function of the One. Neo's function, his purpose, is ultimately is to sustain the harmony of the Matrix. If his "profound attachment" causes him to make the decision to go back "to the source and the salvation of Zion" then it facilitates his function.

    The final sentence sets Neo apart. It explains why he takes the other door. Rather than feel a profound attachment to all the members of his species, he has a yet deeper (more specific) bond with one (Trinity). (Incidentally, we don't yet know why this is.) He "remains irrevocably human". Unfortunately, the Wachowskis' enthusiasm for the curious mixture of elegancies, archaisms and literarisms (as my style guide calls them) that constitutes Mr. Bakaitis's oration gets in the way. As we all know by now, the connective 'vis-a-vis' is gobbledygook for 'about' or 'in relation to'. Bill Bryson uses it a lot. So Neo's experience of the profound attachment is more specific in relation to love? Doesn't quite work, especially in light of the way Mr. Bakaitis chose to pronounce the phrase. He left a pause, like a full stop almost. This leads me strongly towards the conclusion that the sense of vis-a-vis is closer to the sense of i.e. (that is) or viz. (vide licet = namely in Latin). Hark, be this a mistake on the part of those multimillionaire deity-figures the Wachowskis, who are so intelligent that they can read Jean Baudrillard without feeling nauseated? You know, they have degrees in Philosophy and Sociology between them. Clever.

    I don't hold a grudge. But I was quite annoyed when my 13-year-old brother saw Reloaded for the first time and was completely lost by Mr. Bakaitis's speech. He is a fan, and just because he is not acquainted with the unnecessarily daunting assortment of gobbledygook-words and the awful, clunky adverbs in the script, why should he not enjoy the film as much as someone who is? (By enjoy, I mean gain a fuller understanding of the story, not sit slavering through the lavish sfx.)

    Oh dear. It seems this thread has turned into a rant. Sorry. What I really wanted was to find out what "contingent affirmation" means and to criticise the Wachowskis for, in my view, misusing vis-a-vis and ERGO (pronounced uhgo in Britain) making fools of themselves. Not irredeemable fools, mind you, considering Revolutions is destined to be a mindblowing work of stunning genius (to borrow from Dave Eggars) -- who cares about AICN? Not me!


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    And now I/Foam to wheat, a glitter of seas./The child's cry//Melts in the wall./And I/Am the arrow,//The dew that flies/Suicidal, at one with the drive/Into the red//Eye, the cauldron of morning.

  10. #10
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    Originally posted by DigitalOne
    You are truly the funniest man on Flashkit.
    I totally agree

  11. #11
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    it doesn't have to be dark, just happen to explore that realm at the moment..I find it a mix of emotions and wanted it down on paper.. or screen in this matter..

    could pick up on the editing..but I am going to keep it this way hehe

  12. #12
    Senior Member mg33's Avatar
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    Visionray, that cracks me up. Great analysis of the show!

    mg33
    The Atlantic Divide My band here in Chicago, USA. || We also exist here on myspace: myspace.com/theatlanticdivide

  13. #13
    Senior Member mg33's Avatar
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    Wow - blast from the past with this thread! There are at least three times a year that I search the lounge for that Full House synopsis I wrote years and years ago.

    Today is one of those days. Enjoy my friends.
    The Atlantic Divide My band here in Chicago, USA. || We also exist here on myspace: myspace.com/theatlanticdivide

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