Hello Sir,
I represent Mr Simon Jones, I am his legal representative. Just to inform you, that on the 11th of August 2003. Mr Jones experienced a severe seizure, due to the content of your so-called "movie".
We will be filing a full complaint, so expect to hear from us very soon.
Right now you have 3 choices:

1) Find yourself a lawyer.
2) Start saving up.
3) Turn yourself in.

The choice is up to you.
Good Day to you sir.