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exclusive member ( V I P )
Q: How did 5 elephants get in a beetle?
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A: 2 in front and 3 in back  Duh
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FK Catwoman
Originally posted by LanSite
Originally posted by Aria
ok - before you read
<Lannie dont kill me lol>
lmao ~ I had to respond to that one in e-mail, Aria 
ROFLMAO !!!
A
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In a cavern, in a canyon,
Excavating for a mine,
Dwelt a miner, forty-niner
And his daughter Clementine.
Oh my darling, Clementine
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FK Catwoman
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In a cavern, in a canyon,
Excavating for a mine,
Dwelt a miner, forty-niner
And his daughter Clementine.
Oh my darling, Clementine
ROFL!!!
... but you gotta admit ... nice ... hat
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FK Catwoman
Originally posted by LanSite
ROFL!!!
... but you gotta admit ... nice ... hat
uh huh ! !
Nice indeed !
A
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FK Official Mechanic
Trust your mechanic
Politically correct how to speak to men / women
How to speak about women and be politically correct:
1. She is not a BABE or a CHICK - She is a BREASTED
CITIZEN.
2. She is not EASY - She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.
3. She is not DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE
INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.
4. She has not BEEN AROUND - She is A PREVIOUSLY
ENJOYED COMPANION.
5. She is not an AIRHEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED.
6. She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY - She gets
CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.
7. She is not HORNY - She is SEXUALLY FOCUSED.
8. She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS - She is
MEDICALLY ENHANCED.
9. She does not NAG YOU - She becomes VERBALLY
REPETITIVE.
10. She is not a SL@T - She is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.
11. She does not have PREMIER LEAGUE HOOTERS - She is
PECTORALLY SUPERIOR.
12. She is not a TWO-BIT SLAPPER - She is a LOW COST
SERVICE PROVIDER.
How to speak about men and be politically correct:
1. He does not have a BEER GUT - He has developed a
LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.
2. He is not a BAD DANCER - He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.
3. He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME - He INVESTIGATES
ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.
4. He is not BALDING - He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.
5. He is not a CRADLE SNATCHER - He prefers
GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS.
6. He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK - He becomes
ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.
7. He does not act like a TOTAL ASS - He develops a
case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.
8. He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG - He has SWINE
EMPATHY.
9. He is not afraid of COMMITMENT - He is MONOGAMOUSLY
CHALLENGED.
-Phil
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Polar bear walks into a bar and orders a drink.
"hey can I have a bundi............................................. ..........
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and coke?"
Barman goes "sure, but whats with the big paws?"
Polar bear says "don't know, always had them"
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In a cavern, in a canyon,
Excavating for a mine,
Dwelt a miner, forty-niner
And his daughter Clementine.
Oh my darling, Clementine
Originally posted by Tommy
Polar bear walks into a bar and orders a drink.
"hey can I have a bundi............................................. ..........
.................................................. .................................................. ....................
.................................................. .................................................. ....................
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and coke?"
Barman goes "sure, but whats with the big paws?"
Polar bear says "don't know, always had them"
hahahahahathat's bad
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Work sucks
![]v[orpheus's Avatar](image.php?u=183470&dateline=1187967826 "]v[orpheus's Avatar")
Laughter is the best medicine. I'll add some of my jokes, but I'll have to edit the profanity out first!
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Originally posted by kitchee
What do you call a women with one leg longer then the other?
Ilene.
what do you call a woman with no arms, no legs, and buried up to her neck in sand???
anette
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In a cavern, in a canyon,
Excavating for a mine,
Dwelt a miner, forty-niner
And his daughter Clementine.
Oh my darling, Clementine
A fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out on an interstate road for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80mph he suddenly saw a flashing red and blue light behind him. ''They'll never catch me,'' he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100 110 and finally 120 with the lights still behind him. ''What in hell am I doing?'' he thought and pulled over.
The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car. ''I've had a tough shift and this is my last pull over. I don't feel like more paperwork so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before you can go!'' he said.
''Last week my wife ran off with a cop,'' the man said, ''and I was afraid you were trying to give her back!''
''Have a nice night,'' said the officer.
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FK Catwoman
LOL Lan
that was a good one !
A
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FK Catwoman
You Know You're Drinking Too Much Coffee When...
1 You ski uphill.
2. You speed walk in your sleep.
3. You answer the door before people knock.
4. You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
5. You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit.
6. You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
7. You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
8. The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.
9. You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.
10.You lick your coffeepot clean.
11.You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there.
12.You've worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week.
13.Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
14.You chew on other people's fingernails.
15.The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
A
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In a cavern, in a canyon,
Excavating for a mine,
Dwelt a miner, forty-niner
And his daughter Clementine.
Oh my darling, Clementine
lmao Aria ~ I have a couple more to add to that ...
- Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
Cocaine is a downer.
You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.
You name your cats "Cream" and "Sugar."
You can type sixty words per minute... with your feet.
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FK Catwoman
Originally posted by LanSite
You can type sixty words per minute... with your feet.
HAHAHHAHA ...ROFL
that would be the day !!!
A
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Member
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In a cavern, in a canyon,
Excavating for a mine,
Dwelt a miner, forty-niner
And his daughter Clementine.
Oh my darling, Clementine
*ahem* ... if I may ever so delicately correct you, my friend ... I believe it was the crown for "The Most Stupid" ...
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Member
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Junior Member
i wonder if there's a 24hr starbucks around here
Snow White gave a sigh, "Gee fellas, I had always dreamed of having seven inches, but not one inch at a time."
ok. that's it. i'm off to bed.
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