Give me a laugh!

**Subway** · 08-30-2007, 04:04 AM

I think we did't have this for a while, let's post some fresh jokes!

I'll sart with one I found at /.

God was in a good mood and decided to give virtues to people. One day he decided to give all the programmers in the world three virtues:

They would be smart, well-intentioned, and work for Microsoft. But an angel told him: Hey, wait a minute, aren't they too many virtues?
"You're right", said God. "They'll have these virtues but a person can only have two of these virtues at the same time".

Since then, programmers in the world were divided in the three following groups:

- Programmers who were smart and well-intentioned, couldn't work for Microsoft.
- Programmers who were smart and worked for Microsoft, couldn't be well-intentioned.
- Programmers who were well-intentioned and worked for Microsoft, couldn't be smart.

Oh and:

The only legitimate use of the greatly loathed <blink> tag: "Schroedinger's Cat is <BLINK>NOT</BLINK> dead."

Fredi

**steve worswick** · 08-30-2007, 05:54 AM

Who is Schroedinger?

Anyway, what about:
What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho Cheese!

**Subway** · 08-30-2007, 05:59 AM

Originally Posted by steve worswick

Who is Schroedinger?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schr%C3%B6dinger's_cat

Fredi

**jAQUAN** · 08-30-2007, 04:07 PM

This joke is from my childhood, and as alike culturally we all are you've probably heard it. But apparently I recently made a whole unit in Iraq crack up with it so here goes...

Two men are out hunting in the woods when a snake jumps up and bites one of them in the crotch. The man falls to the ground writhing and screaming in pain. He manages to instruct his friend to run to town and get a doctor.
The friend finds the nearest clinic where a doctor instructs him that he must suck out the poison. The friend comes back in a bit panting from his run.

"I spoke to a doctor."

"What'd he say!?"

"You're going to die."

**Subway** · 08-30-2007, 04:22 PM

And he's actually right as sucking out the poison doesnt work, it can only make the situation worse.

http://64.233.183.104/search?q=cache...ient=firefox-a

Fredi

**blazes816** · 08-30-2007, 05:17 PM

^What do you do when you aren't pissing on people's pancakes?

**Subway** · 08-30-2007, 05:24 PM

Pissing on my own pancakes, obviously.

Fredi

**Eleniatari** · 08-30-2007, 05:24 PM

He has to be eating them to get this bad. (The whole someone pissing in the cornflakes thing. Relates to the article

) But that article was very informative. Gratz subby.

**blazes816** · 08-30-2007, 05:49 PM

Originally Posted by Subway

Pissing on my own pancakes, obviously.

Fredi

You are one strange man

**gerbick** · 08-30-2007, 08:07 PM

Originally Posted by Subway

Pissing on my own pancakes, obviously.

Maple flavored I hope.

**ViRGo_RK** · 08-30-2007, 11:46 PM

I wonder how much maple syrup you'd have to drink for that?

**gerbick** · 08-31-2007, 12:21 AM

Originally Posted by ViRGo_RK

I wonder how much maple syrup you'd have to drink for that?

I'm sure there's a link about that somewhere.

**ViRGo_RK** · 08-31-2007, 12:38 AM

Well who's the brave soul willing to search for it? Certainly not I.

**robbmcaulay** · 08-31-2007, 07:51 AM

sounds like something www.cockeyed.com would do, if not, i'm sure if you asked him...

**Subway** · 08-31-2007, 08:13 AM

http://www.museumofhoaxes.com/hoax/Top/experiments/

#9: The Vomit-Drinking Doctor
How far would you go to prove a theory? Stubbins Ffirth, a doctor-in-training living in Philadelphia during the early nineteenth century, went further than most. Way further.

Having observed that yellow fever ran riot during the summer, but disappeared during the winter, Ffirth concluded that it was not a contagious disease. Instead, he theorized it was caused by an excess of stimulants such as heat, food, and noise.

To prove his theory, Ffirth set out to demonstrate that no matter how much he exposed himself to yellow fever, he wouldn't catch it. He started by making small incisions on his arms and pouring "fresh black vomit" obtained from a yellow-fever patient into the cuts. He didn't get sick.

Next he dribbled some vomit in his eyes. He fried some up on a skillet and inhaled the fumes. He fashioned some into a pill and swallowed it. Finally he took to drinking entire glasses of pure, undiluted black vomit. And still he didn't get sick.

Ffirth rounded out his experiment by liberally smearing himself with other yellow-fever tainted fluids: blood, saliva, perspiration, and urine. Healthy as ever, he declared his theory proven. Unfortunately, he was wrong. Yellow fever is very contagious, but it requires direct transmission into the blood stream, usually by a mosquito, to cause infection. But considering all Ffirth did to infect himself, it is a bit of a miracle he remained alive.

I'm sure he'll do it, just tell him it's important for science.

Fredi

**gerbick** · 08-31-2007, 12:19 PM

Your sense of humor seriously needs work if you found that funny.

**WannaBe_80z** · 08-31-2007, 01:10 PM

http://board.flashkit.com/board/showthread.php?t=743252

**lefteyewilly** · 08-31-2007, 08:45 PM

following Wannabe's suit:
http://board.flashkit.com/board/show...=615163&page=2
or
http://board.flashkit.com/board/show...hreadid=593247

F it, just do a username search for "Flashkid105". WARNING! this could take up the rest of the night...i just spent an hour reading 2 threads he started...i had to stop due to gut busting laughter.

**renderhjs** · 09-01-2007, 01:19 AM

http://board.flashkit.com/board/showthread.php?t=743324

**WannaBe_80z** · 09-01-2007, 02:48 AM

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh

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